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It's ok  We don't usually double (etc) post, but the story is easier to read when it's all together 
I read the first couple chapters (I'll read on when I get a chance  ) and I'm liking this concept. Great, original idea! 
Once I got home, though, I began to realize something. My home, my family, everything I knew, may be completely different the next morning.
^ very interesting idea here. Like, will he have remorse about what he has chosen. What impact will this choice have on his life, and the people he loves.
I really like how you refer to the girl as the girl who sat 3 seats in front of him. I like that bit of repetitiveness, actually. Stylistically. |
Thanks. I always hate double posting, but I love getting my story out there so other people could read it.
To be honest, I kept the girl as 'the girl who sat three seats in front of him,' and his name anonymous to keep the reader wondering, "Who are these people?" Sometimes the readers judge people based on their names (I dont, but some of my friends do), and I don't make my characters based on what their names mean. So I did give them names eventually, but the anonymous characters gave the story a better feel to it through the first couple chapters.
I do plan to bring that part of the story up again eventually (the quoted part), but I haven't decided how I should.
I'll get an idea sooner or later, but for now it was just another way to better get to know the character.
But anyway, I'm glad you like my story! If you have any ideas that could make the story better, I'm willing to listen to them. I like taking a few ideas and mixing them together to make an even better idea (which is actually how I came up with the idea for this story
).