Veiled Vesta

Oh, I can't wait to see the episode where Mulder and Doggett meet up! I really like Doggett and I've recently started season 8.

You doing better, Ju? Don't worry, if you don't see the movie I'm sure we'll describe it to you in detail. At least the important parts. I can't believe it's so close until the new movie. It feels like there might not be enough time to finish the viewing parties and do my recaps and all that jazz. (Let the nervous nail biting commence).

But I finally finished my Arcadia recap. That definitely took my mind of the little worries.

Arcadia

**(Side Note: Rob and Laura Petrie shipper in the house! The best yuppie couple EVER, we get to see what it would be like if Mulder and Scully were married and living in a suburb. Well sort of. Best undercover work ever, and bless you, Mulder, for taking advantage of that juicy opportunity and making me grin til' my face hurt!)**

Not since Sir Prissy Pants was featured on Lifestyles of the Secret Cover Government's Rich and Famous have we ever seen such a luxurious looking gated community. It's the Falls of Arcadia in California and it's fancy enough to have a computerized entry way and a nice fembot voice welcoming you to the Falls. Mr. Kline, a proud owner of one of the pristine houses in the Falls, drives his nice SUV to his nice house where his nice neighbor just finished painting his mailbox for him. Mr. Kline forces a smile and walks inside his house with his mail in hand. When he sees his nice wife inside, he lets loose about the mailbox and wanting to paint the house pink. Dude, that's been my dream since I was a little girl; to have a pink house! If Mrs. Kline reminds him of the rules and Mr. Kline doesn't care much as the rules are incredibly nitpicky and annoying. They check out the package they got in the mail which has this kitschy little lawn ornament of a wood chopper and a propeller thing. I don't know where one would get such a thing and if I think it's a little tacky then imagine what the anal-retentive neighbors might think? Mr. Kline sets out to put that theory to the test and later that night we see his lawn ornament stuck comfortably on the lawn while the couple sleep. A noise startles Mrs. Kline awake and her husband tells her to stay put while he investigates. He arms himself with a trophy and checks downstairs where his nice carpet is smudged up with foot prints. Suddenly, he gets attacked by something big and... I don't know. It'll be revealed later, sorta. He starts screaming like crazy and his wife just listens, calling his name and wondering what the odds are that she'll survive the pre-credits. They're not very good. The monster is done with her husband as the lack of his screaming may indicate and it rumbles upstairs where she starts screaming herself, instead of, you know, calling the police or something. Oh well. These two had to be sacrificed so their house would be vacant and we'd get our new owners. Our new awesome and adorable owners.

Opening Credits! The names Rob and Laura Petrie were taken from The Dick Van Dyke Show (portrayed by the hilarious Dick Van Dyke and wonderful Mary Tyler Moore) so I feel it's only fair we use the theme song from their show as today's honorary episode song. Now I can't stop grinning as I muse about a sitcom starring Mulder and Scully.

Seven months later, we see a nervous woman holding a huge welcome basket with a pretty red bow full of what I assume to be flowers, muffins, fruits, and some fancy crackers and cheeses. I've never gotten one of those. Maybe if I give out my address my favorite M/S shippers will collect money to mail me one? ...Okay, probably not. She's awaiting the new couple who's going to move in the Kline's old house. And here they come driving a family friendly blue minivan plus a white moving van. The couple step out of the van and, oh dear God, it's Mulder and Scully! They're dressed so... it's yuppie fabulous meets home maker chic! Mulder's wearing a pink shirt (pink! I love him for that!) with a sweater wrapped around his shoulder and some dark pants while Scully made her short do work for her as she reminds me of those 1960s housewives with a modern edge since she's got a flowery dark blouse under her white coat and some dark pants. Seriously, it's like they ripped a page out of a bad J.Crew catalogue. Mulder takes a look around and grins asking his "wife" what she thinks of their new place. He's way more enthusiastic than Scully who just gets out and says nothing but keeps smiling. The two are greeted by the woman with the welcome basket, referring to them as the Petries as she hands the basket to Scully. Mulder introduces himself as 'Rob', and he sort of rubs Scully's shoulders as he introduces his lovely wife, 'Laura'. Scully is quick to point out that their name is pronounced "Pee-tree" (not "Peh-tree" as the welcome woman was saying it) and Mulder adds that it's pronounced like the 'Petrie' dish. As if this woman knows the difference between a Petrie dish and a Erlenmeyer flask. Please. The welcome woman, who is actually part of the neighborhood welcome wagon, introduces herself as Pat Verlander and seems concerned that they might not make the 6:00 pm cut off. You see, anyone who moves in must do so before 6, as per the community rules. Another rule? You cannot have less than five different pastel colored shirts. That means you, Laura "But black is slimming" Petrie.

Inside the house, Mulder comments on how fantastic the house looks while their neighbors help move them in, bringing our pair's boxes inside. Mulder gives Scully a nice shoulder touch before taking off his sweater and turning to Welcome Woman Pat, once again remarking on the house's cleanliness. Well I guess since he lives in his barely dusted bachelor pad, he's in awe that he gets this huge new place to mess around in. Pat asks him what he does for a living and Mulder grabs Scully's shoulders to pull her in for an affectionate sort of hug, and he's got this adorably huge grin when he tells Pat that he works at home which is great for his wife who gets him all to herself. Hell yeah, these newlyweds are gonna christen this clean new home! Hope the noise ordinance in the CC&Rs are lenient. Scully, playing a wife who's used to all the affection from her hot husband, asks about the previous owners, acting like she wants to send them a thank you note for keeping the place so clean. Pat sidesteps the question and leaves. When she does Scully musters all her professionalism and gets out of Mulder's grasp while giving him her best "I'm in denial of my feelings so I'll keep my emotional walls up and silently pray I don't succumb to your groping" glare, complete with "no means no" hands up. It's very effective. For now.

The two go out to see how their personal movers are doing. The man who was painting the Klines' mailbox in the pre credits walks over to introduce himself to the Petries (Scully once again corrects him on the name's pronunciation). His name is Win Shroeder and he's keeping an eye on the time, sure that they'll be moved in before 6 pm. All the neighbors carry in various boxes, Scully getting away from Mulder to actually help with the unloading. She sees a large man picking up a box of China (at least that's what the box says) and when she tells him that it's heavy and she wants to help him, he politely and sweetly declines but manages to drop the box with a loud crash. He looks embarrassed and sorry. He apologizes to Scully, telling her he'll pay for the damage, before another neighborly woman, Win Shroeder's wife, comes over to whisk him away. Cami Shroeder makes nice with Scully, and over by the back side of the truck, Mulder directs a mover to put his portable basketball hoop in the driveway. Win Shroeder however runs over to inform him that it's not a good idea to do that because it won't be "aesthetically pleasing" out in the open where it sets his house apart from the others. He tells Mulder that maybe the president of their Homeowner's Association, Mr. Gogolak, can give him special permission (don't hold your breath) but until then, it would be best if Mulder's basketball hoop stay in the garage. Mulder agrees, vaguely confused, and Win gets back to moving duty.

Mulder's Omega watch (I guess that's the watch of The X-Files) reads 5:59 pm. Their neighbors helped them move in with a minute to spare. How nice. From their porch, Mulder and Scully wave goodbye to their neighbors, Mulder's arm has, of course, found its way onto Scully's shoulder. He's so sneaky. Once the door is closed, Scully walks into the living room followed by Mulder who semi-sarcastically comments on the weirdness going on around them. Then he offers to carry Scully over the threshold. Cute. Scully just wants to get down to business as she asks him if he's ready. He is, (i]"Let's get it on, honey"[/i]), and she hands him the biggest latex... oh wait, it's a pair of disposable gloves. Ahem. Scully heads to the wrecked China box while Mulder is a few feet away opening another box. The broken china box actually contained lab equipment, some of which was necessary to do a fluorescein bloodstain enhancement. Mulder thinks it wouldn't have mattered if they had it because the house is freakishly clean and there probably is no blood to be found. He starts ripping up the carpet to show it's just as clean underneath. No sweeping under the rug for the former home owners. Scully's got herself a camcorder and narrates how the two came about becoming Rob and Laura Petrie. The former occupants of that house, the Klines, where the third couple that disappeared in that community and when the neighbors refused to speak about what happened, the X-Files alarm went off so they were given the undercover assignment of heading to Arcadia and figuring out what happened while pretending to be husband and wife. The assignment was given by Skinner, who I now suspect is a secret shipper too. You think he and CSM meet up to have secret meetings and discuss our favorite agents? Scully thinks the neighbors have something to hide and Mulder can't hide his enjoyment as he gets close to Scully's handheld camera and asks if she wants to "make that honeymoon video now". Say yes, Scully, say yes! She does not. And I'm in awe because his voice when he says it... dear God how does Scully keep from swooning? Instead, Scully closes her camcorder and complains about their undercover names. She says that if they ever go undercover again, she gets to choose the names. Alright, Holly Golightly-Varjak and Paul Varjak next time around! Mulder's cool with it because he's secretly pleased that she's thinking of their next time. Scully accuses him of not taking their assignment seriously but Mulder says he is, even though this is their first official case back on the X-Files but it's not an X-File. Scully argues that it is an X-File because it's unexplained. It's not all aliens and horrifying near-death experiences. Mulder thinks Scully just wants to play house. If she is, she won't admit it. The doorbell saves Scully from thinking up a lie and when she leaves to answer it, Mulder yells, "Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich!" Oh he did not just say that. Scully, knowing that he's joking, stops to 'snap off the latex' and we see her gloves flying at Mulder's head. Scully's aim is excellent and Mulder makes a silly sarcastic comment, sticking to his bit while presumably wondering what else he can get away with as her pretend husband.

The big guy who broke Scully's "china" earlier, is currently at her front door, holding a box of lovely dishes for her to have. Scully is smiles politely, saying he didn't have to, but he insists she take them and introduces himself as Mike Raskub aka Big Mike. Scully notices his caduceus necklace, which are apparently only worn by doctors. He's not a doctor, rather a vet and he offers them a free check-up if they ever decide to get themselves a pet, as long as it's less than 16 pounds as per their CC&Rs. It's times like this I vaguely miss Queequeg. How fun would it be seeing Mulder trying to live with Scully and her little fluff dog? Scully tries to ask Dr. Big Mike about the previous owners, The Klines, but he just rushes off. Well that's not suspicious at all. Scully takes her new dishes inside and spots Mulder up on a chair and examining something on a ceiling fan. He scrapes off what he believes is blood and Scully wonders how it got all the way up there. Blood splatter is a peculiar thing, my dear.

Over at the Gogolak residence, some of the neighbors are having a nice dinner and gossiping about their new neighbors:
"I wonder if she likes to 'take charge' when they're alone."
"Do you think they like to play naked movie star games?"
"Hope they won't find the cameras we secretly installed in the bedroom..."
They also agree the couple is cute and the wife obviously has all the money. The women clear the dinner plates and leave the men to their own gossip which involves mysterious nervousness from Big Mike and him wanting to tell them what happens if they don't follow the rules. He wants to warn them and doesn't want them to be left out of the loop. How nice. And puzzling. Mr. Gogolak makes like it's okay, leaving Big Mike to go use the bathroom and pretty much orders a hit on him. Well, actually Mr. Gogolak refers to Big Mike as a "weak link" and Win is not happy about it.

Later on, Big Mike is at home watching some kind of documentary that is meant to draw a parallel between the tribe it's talking about and the Falls community. Something about outcasts who don't conform to the group will usually be punished with force. So, at what point do the housewives walk around topless and chant around a huge fire? 'Cuz I'm sure Rob Petrie wouldn't want to miss that. Suddenly Big Mike hears a noise outside and sees that his outside street way light bulb went out. He is scared as he runs out to replace the light bulb. He frantically tries to unscrew it, managing to hurt himself in the process but still trying to replace it before "it" comes. Once the light bulb is replaced he looks relieved but it's too late. He gets attacked by the same thing that attacked the Klines (it looks like the poor man's swamp thing), all the while Big Mike is yelling that fixed the bulb but it's for naught. We see blood splatter onto his doorway. See, that's what I was talking about with blood splatter. It can go a great distance.

The next morning, Win is hosing off the blood all the while looking vaguely sympathetic. Mulder and Scully arrive (this time wearing nearly white versions of similar clothes they wore the previous day) with the box of dishes that Big Mike brought the other day. Win greets them with a big ole' neighborly smile, accidentally (or maybe not so much) spraying them with the hose. So it's a hose fight you want, eh? No? Ah, spoilsport. Win asks them if their first night was peaceful. Mulder's first answer would have probably been "No, this wild woman kept me up all night and I'm surprised you all didn't hear her from a mile away". But his second choice is just as hilarious and embarrassing for Scully so I'm not complaining. Mulder grins at Scully and says they just "spooned up and fell asleep like little baby cats", then he calls her "honey bunch". Scully just forces a smile and agrees, calling him "poopy head". Scully wants to get back to the task at hand and she asks where Big Mike is. Win says he's helping out Big Mike because he had to leave town for business. Liar! Scully also thinks that’s a bit suspect since Big Mike is a vet and they don't really do house calls. Win says Big Mike will probably be gone for weeks and when Mulder tries to leave the box of dishes on the front porch, Win quickly offers to take them inside because it would be more "aesthetically pleasing" than just leaving them outside. The poor man's swamp thing must be a real stickler for cleanliness. Which is weird seeing as how it's, you know, a gross, slimy creature. Win invites the Petries to his place for dinner. Oh I sense more hilarity in store for Mulder and Scully when they try and act couply during dinner. Scully, agrees and Mulder puts his arm around her as they walk away. Scully is so used to this she's pretty much given up on getting him to stop. Her defenses are weakening. Excellent. Mulder turns back to mention his basketball hoop and the special permission he was promised from Mr. Gogolak. Win didn't recon that Rob had such a good memory.

Gogolak is a big collector of weird tribal statues (because it's another reference to the tribal documentary from earlier. Subtle.) He's checking their community rule book while Mulder and Scully are sitting cozy comfy on his couch, with his left arm casually wrapped around Scully's shoulder while his right hand is holding onto her right arm. He couldn't pull her any closer if she were sitting on his lap. Very nice, Mulder. Also, both their legs are crossed in the same direction, which I know is something Mulder does – in fact he and Scully often sit in Skinner's meetings with their legs crossed – but it's all about the outfits. In a nice suit, Mulder's legs being crossed are all business but in his current little number.... okay, Mulder is wearing khaki colored pants, a white shirt, and an honest to God *purple sweater vest*. But despite it all, he makes it work! I have no doubt he'd make a burlap sack look freakin fantastic. Scully's still rocking the yuppie housewife look with a cream colored blouse and dark pants. I was hoping for a floral skirt this time. Mr. Gogolak tells them that there's no basketball hoops allowed outside. Mulder sort of mock says "You're kidding" while Gogolak talks about the rules being there for a reason and how a basketball hoop might lead to "spinning daisy reflectors and a bass boat in the driveway". Gogolak needs to check his sarcasm meter because Mulder would get it going off the charts. Gogolak mentions that most of the people who live at the Falls have been there since day one and it's been one of the top ranked places to live in California. The people who ranked it need to watch The Stepford Wives. Then we get this "semi-subtle to anyone who isn't a shipper" moment where Scully pats Mulder's hand as if to comfort him for the loss of his basketball hoop but when she realizes what she's doing she stops and pulls her hand back. Her defenses are officially at it's lowest! Strike now Mulder! Instead he starts to talk about the weird statues and a brief mention of Gogolak's adventures to Tibet and Nepal. Mulder and Scully are on such different wavelengths it boggles the mind.

Oh, it's time for dinner at the Shroeder residence! This is gonna be fun. The Shroeders' little dog, Scruffy is begging for treats while the two couples eat their tuna casserole, I think. That is such a waspy dinner. Mulder and Scully are sitting on one side, and Win and Cami are sitting on the other side. Win and Cami are glad they used the dolphin-safe tuna this time and Mulder agrees that dolphins are awesome but also pretty delicious. The Shroeders stop and looked surprised but Scully belts out a laugh as if it was just a joke. Nice save, Scully. Only you know what a weird sense of humor your man has. Win asks the all important question of where they first met and just as Scully starts to answer, Mulder interrupts, ready to see how long he can push Scully's buttons before she strangles him in front of this lovely couple who really love dolphins. It's awesome to watch. Mulder says they met at a UFO conference and when Win expresses amused intrigue Mulder clarifies, while putting his arm around Scully, that he's not the UFO nut, it's actually his lovely wife who's also into "magnetic bracelets and crystals and mood rings". Scully looks like she's about to split a cheek from smiling so hard and so fake but she has no choice but to go along with the story lest they blow their cover. Mulder's arm has decided to retreat as Scully's shoulders have been putting off a "you are so dead" vibe, and Mulder mentions Big Mike again, saying that they called his office but they didn't know where Big Mike was. Scully asks Win if he knows and Win tries to laugh it off, saying he has no idea. Mulder uses the words "freaky-deaky" as he wonders if Big Mike might have some secret life, then muses that every community has a dark underbelly. Win disagrees, saying their community is perfect. No dark underbelly here. In fact no underbelly at all. So how does the community digest it's food? Cami says that she needs to walk Scruffy and Scully offers to join her on the walk. They all stand and Mulder, that crafty devil, leans over to kiss his dear wife. Scully, sensing his intention employs tactical maneuver "Air Kiss" where she makes like those upper class women who obnoxiously kiss the air in front of a person's cheek instead of the cheek itself and croon "dah-ling" while I wonder why they don't just wave hello if they're so germ-phobic? Anyway, Mulder seems really pleased he didn't get a slap and he has this huge goofy grin after Scully leaves. I simultaneously laugh and swoon.

Outside, Cami and Scully are walking and talking about the neighborhood. Scully can tell by Cami's voice that she isn't as happy to be there as her husband seems to be. Scully points out that they passed Big Mike's house twice and wonders if she's worried about him. Cami plays the denial card and her little dog pulls away from her, heading to a sewer drain by the sidewalk. Oh crud, if there's an alligator in there it'll be the Quagmire debacle all over again for our favorite red head. Cami yells for Scruffy and Scully pulls out her little flashlight to look for the dog down the drain. What she finds is Big Mike's caduceus necklace and as she tries to grab it, the little dog pops out and Cami grabs him. Scully wipes some goop off the little dog and they all walk back to the Shroeder house, all the while being watched by something down from under the sewer cover.

Scully is now the Petrie house bedroom, talking on the phone with a police officer. She's wearing nice white pajama shirt and pants with a white robe over it. Mulder walks in with the caduceus necklace in a make-shift evidence bag, tossing it to Scully and taking off his shirt right in front of her. Woo hoo! He's actually taking off his sweater but sort of pulls up his grey shirt half way before he tosses the sweater off to the side and pulling his shirt down. This does not go unnoticed by Scully who nearly avoids having his sweater hit her in the face. She tells him the police haven't found Big Mike at all and she heads into the bathroom as Mulder deduces that Big Mike is dead. Scully wonders if Win is behind it and Mulder thinks Win is at least cleaning up for someone, which prompts Scully to ask him about his toothpaste squeezing habits. Mulder looks over the supposed blood he found on the ceiling fan earlier and Scully tells him that she's going to have it analyzed tomorrow, then gives him a "third warning" on his toilet seat habits. Haha, men. Mulder plops down on the bed (with his sneakers still on) and at that moment, Scully steps out of the bathroom with this lime green cream all over her face. Like a mud mask but not mud colored. Mulder takes one look at her and makes a surprised "Woah!" then leans his head on one of his hands and takes in bedroom Scully. Bedroom Scully is still no nonsense as she wonders why someone would kill Big Mike, and she flings Mulder's sweater back at him. Her aim is still right on. Mulder thinks the motive is neatness. He notices how everyone is obsessed with the rules and being neat freaks, then comments that Scully would fit in very well there. Scully remarks that Mulder would not fit nearly as well. It is at this point that Mulder says he's going to test out his theory the next day all the while making himself comfortable on the large bed. He pats the space next to him and gives Scully what I can only describe as a come-hither look, calling her 'Laura' and saying that they're married so why not. Why not indeed; say yes, Scully, for the love of all that is holy, say yes!!! She does not. Instead, she reminds him they are not actually Rob and Laura, then she kicks him out of bed. What's the opposite of an aphrodisiac because Scully must have taken a truckload before agreeing to this assignment. Mulder grabs a pillow, heads on out, but not before remarking that "the thrill is gone". He's used to sleeping on couches so I can't feel too sorry for him. This may be the first time the sink downstairs and the shower in the bedroom's bathroom actually runs out of *cold* water.

It's the next morning and while Scully is away, Mulder will play. He takes out a tacky pink flamingo law ornament he must've gotten from his Arthur Dales about two episodes back (in Florida). And once it's set up, he does a double fist pump while declaring them to "bring it on". Don't mess with cardigan lovin' Rob Petrie. Mulder heads inside to chug some Tropicana orange juice straight out of the carton. Good thing Scully's not there. When he looks outside his front door side window, he sees that his plastic flamingo is gone. He heads outside to try out a new theory where he shoves and kicks the crap out of his mailbox until it's bent over, puts the little flag up and opens the mailbox hatch, then splashes orange juice on top for good measure. Back inside, he sits and waits patiently while he drinks his Tropicana orange juice and looks at his Omega watch. Ah, product placement. Even back in the late nineties. Hours pass and he's finished up his orange juice which has now gone through his system and it looks like he has to use the bathroom, if I interpret his "hand on crotch" and "making uncomfortable faces" signals correctly. He starts to widen up the carton's opening and we all know he'd do it too but I guess living with neat-freak Scully has rubbed off on him because he decides a few minutes away from his post won't matter match. When he's back from his potty break, he checks out the window to see the mailbox is back to its normal, clean, standing position. Man, they're good. Mulder heads outside to examine it up close, then he sees the little flag on the mailbox is still up, indicating mail inside. There is indeed a note inside for him which reads: 'Be like the others... before it gets dark'. Well we all know how well Mulder takes advice. And there he goes crumpling up the note.

Later at night, we here the bouncing sounds of anarchy as Mulder is shooting hoops on his driveway. Yes, his basketball hoop is up where everyone can see. Gasp. The Shroeders walk out and Cami sounds afraid as she tells her husband to stop him. Better men than you have tried, Win. Mulder sees him and suggests they play Horse (which according to Wikipedia is a game where two or more players try and duplicate each others shot and if they can't, they get a letter, then the first to spell out h-o-r-s-e loses the game. I was disappointed that no riding was involved so Mulder and Scully could play Horse.) Win demands to know what Mulder is doing as he grabs the basketball and tosses it off somewhere. Then Win tries to tilt the large portable basketball stand but Mulder just puts one foot on the vase to keep it stationary. Win is not happy. Mulder wants to know what's going to happen if he leaves the basketball hoop outside. Cami is nervous still standing outside all alone at night. Smart. Win says that Mulder was warned and then they hear the frightened screams of dolphin-lovin' but Cami. Mulder and Win run over to see what's going on. They spot a large figure running off and Mulder chases after it. He doesn't chase it far since it disappears from view and he checks back with Cami and Win. They see their outside street way light is broken.

So after the basketball hoop and stand gets dragged inside, Scully pulls into the house and places her shopping bag on the living room table before checking out some test results. She hears a loud noise coming from upstairs followed by footsteps. She calls out Mulder's name, wondering if it's him up there but gets no response so she arms herself with a fireplace poker. Mulder is actually outside and has managed to trip over something in the yard. He finds a large hole underneath some grass. Scully has been investigating the upstairs hallway and she heads over to the stairs only to hear another sound and we see someone run past her. She walks over with her fire poker, ready to get the person who's walking up the stairs and with a mighty swing she almost knocks down Mulder. Good thing his reflexes kicked in and he ducked or they'd be facing a couples counseling intervention. Scully is almost as relieved as Mulder. She apologizes and says someone was in the house to which Mulder responds that whoever was in the house was probably cleaning up because they put away his basketball hoop and I guess sprayed Pine-Sol everywhere. He thinks it's not so bad that they've got themselves their own personal maid. Mostly because it proves that something mysterious is going on and the case really is an X-File. So Scully was right after all. Victory dance!

Mr. Gogolak and Win Shroeder are chatting outside his house. Win is not happy and he asks what they did wrong to deserve being attacked by The Blob Jr. Gogolak says he's responsible. It's his neighbor Rob "Could've been the white Michael Jordan" Petrie. Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully are checking out their front yard where Mulder finds another hole under the topsoil/grass. He thinks there's a hole under ever house's yard and that's where the blobby monster lives and how it gets around. Scully isn't quite on board with his underground creature theory but she does have the results for the stuff he found on the ceiling fan. Inside their house she tells him that it's ketchup, brake fluid, and scrub brush bristles Basically it's garbage ans she reveals the whole neighborhood was built on top of an old landfill. Well if that's not ironic I don't know what is. Mulder thinks that has to do with the disappearance of the Klines and suspects they're still buried in their own yard. Scully says he can't dig them up using a forensic excavation or their cover will be blown. Don't worry, Mulder has a plan. And if it pisses off the uppity neighbors, well that'll just be icing on the cake.

It's morning when we see a large, loud tractor with a backhoe totally tearing into Mulder's front yard. The neighbors are horrified to say the least. Welcome Woman Pat runs over and cries out for Mulder to explain what he's doing. He says he's putting in a pool. She yells that it's against the rules to have a swimming pool in the front yard but Mulder pleasantly corrects her, saying he's putting in a reflecting pool which is not against the rules. Pat leaves and we see Mr. Gogolak standing across the street with Win. Mulder gives them a little wave hello and Gogolak says the guy is pretty much doomed.

It's night time and Mulder is down in the way-too-large-for-a-reflecting-pool sized hole. She tells him that the Klines aren't down there and he should probably call it a night. If she offered to share the bed maybe he'd listen. He finds the Klines' lawn ornament caught in the backhoe of their tractor. How much is it going to cost the FBI to have that huge thing there overnight? He sees that the ornament is from the store Gogolak claimed to work at. Mulder decides it's time for a professional excavation team to check the place out. Mulder wants to speak to Gogolak and Scully gets on her cell phone to call for excavation. A hand reaches out of the mud from the hole. Of course our two agents didn't see it. And now I bid goodbye to Rob and Laura. It was adorably fun while it lasted.

Scully is in the bedroom calling for a forensic team and we see the large muddy feet of an unclean outcast. She hears a loud thump downstairs and hangs up, then looks for her gun but can't seem to find it. She steps back, away from the bedroom door, then suddenly a large hand comes from behind and covers her mouth while her gun is aimed at her neck. It's Big Mike! He looks like he went swimming in the underground dump. Big Mike tells "Laura" that she has to be quiet or it'll get her. I'm glad to see he survived getting attacked and is still trying to protect her and Mulder but did he have to put that bloody garbage covered hand over her mouth? Eww. Scully will probably have to get a tetanus shot or something. Scully asks what happened to him but he tells her she has to leave and shoves furniture in front of the bedroom door. Scully asks him who's downstairs and Mike finally gives a name to the garbage monster: the ubermenscher. It attacked the previous neighbors and now, thanks to her b-ball fan of a husband, it's going to go after them. Scully tries to tell him she's actually an FBI agent and she asks for her gun but he doesn't seem to hear her (maybe too much goop in his ears from hiding in the sewer?) Big Mike takes the little lady and shoves her in the closet, putting a dresser in front of it so she'll be safe while he faces the creature. We don't see it clearly since we're getting the Scully inside the closet POV, but there's alot of screaming and gunshots and fighting sounds, plus some more splatter. Sorry Scully but your adorableness brings out the 'protect her' instinct in any decent man.

Gogolak finds out Mulder's FBI when he gets handcuffed. That's one way of breaking the news. Mulder accuses him of intentionally sending the Klines that woodcutting lawn ornament so they'd be attacked by the monster with a cleanliness fetish. Gogolak scoffs and Mulder goes on to explain that since he's been to Tibet, he'd wager that Gogolak figured out how to summon creatures using a "tulpa" but once summoned he soon lost control. Gogolak is smug as he says his slick lawyers will keep him out of jail and sue Mulder's pants off, figuratively speaking. The two walk outside and when Mulder sees the busted in door on his house, those 'protect her' instincts (that beat extra hard when Scully is involved) kick-in and he handcuff Gogolak to the mailbox before running inside. Win walks outside to see what the commotion is and Gogolak tells him about the two FBI agents living next door. Awww, but they made such a cute couple. Cami will be sad they're not double dating next week.

Inside the house Mulder sees the dirty mess and calls out for Scully as he heads for the bedroom. He sees blood and garbage and broken furniture everywhere, then when he calls her name once more he finally gets a response from inside the closet. He shoves the dresser away as best as he can and he helps her break open the closet door. If the mood was a bit lighter, he should've suggested they play seven minutes in heaven. Oh well. Outside with Gogolak, he realizes he's kind of a sitting duck handcuffed to a mailbox while an uncontrollable creature is still on the loose. He asks Win to help him and he hesitates before his wife comes over to stop him because Gogolak deserves whatever he gets. Way to grow a backbone, sort of. They walk back inside their house to, I dunno, do it. Meanwhile the two agents who we all wish would follow suit are currently still trying to break open the closet door. Scully says "it" was here but she still won't admit she's a believer. Tsk tsk. The two of them hear screaming outside and Mulder goes outside to see the ubermenscher attacking Gogolak and then it heads for Mulder who walks back in horror but luck is on his side as Gogolak apparently dies, and since it's creator is dead, so shall the ubermenscher die with it. And by die I mean crumble into goopy garbage mud. Mulder is surprised and Scully finally rushes out in time to *not* see the monster with her own eyes. Some things never change.

Last scene is a Scully voiceover which wraps up the case. Mulder and Scully are leaving their nice suburban house, including a silly little scene where Mulder fiddles with his crooked mailbox but it doesn't budge so he forgets about it and joins Scully in their SUV. Scully says that the neighbors are now blaming Gogolak for all the disappearances/deaths and won't acknowledge what killed him. She comments on the sins of their silence and how the Falls of Arcadia has been names one of the top planned communities for the sixth year in a row. There's a lesson to be learned in all this. Probably something to do with garbage, irony, and Mulder's busy hands. This episode's level of sexual tension can only be surpassed by an imaginative writer who stirs the jealousy coals and a very sexy baseball lesson. Make us drool, Tanith!