Veiled Vesta

I should check on that Xzibit song after posting this. Finally got the recap done of the first episode in the seaosn 3 viewing party. I can attend the viewing part on Sunday if that counts for something.

Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose

(**Special Note**: So I heard this guy got an Emmy for his guest star portrayal. He was pretty good. I haven't seen him Everybody Loves Raymond and I wonder if there were any subtle in-jokes relating his X-Files character to his sitcom character. If there were, tell me.)

What a way to start an episode: staring at the Stupendous Yappi's mug shot. Well, his mug, anyway. Someone is looking at a tabloid magazine, narrating some of what I'm assuming are Yappi's predictions: he predicts Madonna will be getting promiscuous. Heh. Some things about the 90s don't change much. He also predicts J.D. Salinger will promote a new novel. That's a bit less predictable. Last prediction: Buddy Holly is still alive and kicking, ready to rock out at Lollapalooza (which I'm surprised is still going on even now). The guy who's been reading the inane predictions from the tabloid is none other than Clyde Bruckman, played by Peter Boyle of Everybody Loves Raymond fame. He gets himself some lotto tickets and whiskey to go with that trashy magazine he's reading. On his way out, he runs into this goofy looking guy and they do the awkward trying to leave shuffle. A quick apology from Bruckman and a quip from goofy guy that he danced better than his last date, leads them to part ways. We follow goofy guy who has gone to see a palm reader. Her accent is worse than Miss Cleo's. He asks her alot of questions about why he's going to do what he's going to do and he's seen himself doing things that he couldn't imagine doing. The palm reader informs him that she's not a psychologist. He decides the session is over and chokes her. Her accent disappears pretty fast afterwards and then so does her life.

Opening Credits! Let's listen to the opening music from Everybody Loves Raymond in honor of our special guest star. It's got no lyrics like the X-Files opening and I think they both have some piano in there. Who knew an instrument could be versatile enough for some light hearted sitcom music and spooky X-Files theme? The incredible, addable piano!


So after 3 days we're at a crime scene. There are officers already on the scene taking pictures and talking about the extra help they got on the case. There's some back and forth between two officers, officer Cline and officer Havez, one says that the guy they're bringing in to help with the case is a bit unorthodox and quite spooky. At this point Mulder walks in, commanding the attention of the officers on the scene. A pause before officer Cline asks who the hell he is. Oh snap; totally got mislead. Mulder introduces himself as well as Scully who's right behind him. They start talking about possible motives for the murder including that the murderer has been attacking fortune tellers and the like because he wanted insight into his own future. We can safely assume that the goofy guy who killed the palm reader went after this latest victim: a doll collector who read tea leaves. And here he comes, the unorthodox, spooky guy that officer Cline called to help on the case: the Stupendous Yappi. His little fan club makes me want to retch. Yappi and his funny eyebrows walk into the room, then he gets what I can only assume are visions. Exaggerated doesn't even cover his performance. Even Mulder can't take Yappi seriously, and he believes in pretty much anything. After a bunch of guesses he cries out that he's lost the visions – apparently someone in the room is giving off the negative energy. He immediately gets into Scully's face and is lucky he doesn't get slapped but, surprise, it's not Scully who's giving off the negative energy - it's Mulder! Another mislead. Two in one scene. Yappi and his overly expressive eyebrows demand that Mulder leave and even though he protests that he's a believer, the officers kick him out of the room, Scully teasing him that she can't take him anywhere. Hah. Thankfully we join Mulder and don't get subjected to anymore psychic theatrics. Yappi makes his dramatic exit but not before passing Mulder in the hall and telling him that skeptics like him make Yappi sick. Mulder tells him to read his mind and I just wish I was psychic so I'd know what it was that made Yappi recoil and snap "So's your old man!" Joke's on you because I don't like Mulder's old man either. Scully and the officers walk out, one of them holding up a bent pen as proof of Yappi's "gift". Mulder is not impressed. He guesses what Yappi predicted, a bunch of vague leads like the victim's body would be found near water, there would be a church or school nearby, and he got a flash of the letter "S" and/or the number 7. Officer Cline still thinks that Yappi's farfetched leads are better than nothing so he puts out an APB for a white male, between the ages of 17 and 34, with or without a beard, maybe a tattoo, who's impotent. As soon as he leaves, Scully declares she and Mulder might as well go because the crime is as good as solved. Heh. Mulder's sarcasm is totally rubbing off on her.

There's our old pal Clyde Bruckman trying to sell insurance to a young couple. His sales pitch is alright, though I suspect he's going to have to pepper it up a bit to get the husband on board. He wants to buy a boat. Bruckman tries to explain to him the wonders of family responsibility but the young husband is already picturing himself on deck, having awesome pirate adventures by day and sexy ocean parties at night. Suddenly Bruckman gets all trance-like and says that two years from now the husband is going to get into a horrible car accident and insurance would probably help his wife and baby daughter when he's splattered on the road. The young couple look shocked then the husband says that Bruckman should really work on his closing technique. It would serve the husband right if his dream boat crashed into a rock and sank, thus stranding him on an island with a beach ball and a marker. His boat, of course, would be uninsured just to add that extra bit of irony.

Bruckman goes home after a hard day of not making sales in favor of aquatic vehicles and he pours himself some well-earned liquor. When he grabs some lettuce out of his fridge, he suddenly sees a head. Lovely. Imagine what he sees when he's drunk. He quickly throws it away. Later on he goes to visit his elderly neighbor, Mrs. Lowe. She's got a fluff ball Pomeranian and when she goes to fetch her garbage for him to throw away, he gets a vision of the little dog eating her dead body. That's why I don't have pets. Bruckman looks disgusted and harshly shoos the dog away. He asks Mrs. Lowe if she needs anything, like maybe extra dog food but she doesn't hear him and shuts the door. He goes outside to throw away the garbage but pauses and presumably gets a vision, saying "Oh God."

A body is found in that dumpster and the cops have arrived to check it out. It's the palm reader with the phony accent. Pictures are taken of the body while officer Cline tells Mulder that Yappi predicted the first victim was dumped somewhere and now here they are looking at the victim in a dumpster. Somebody take that guy's badge before he sticks it up his nose! It's worth noting that the goofy murderer is among the crowd gathered around the crime scene and now that I think about it he was also there at the second crime scene with the doll collector and Yappi. So I guess killers do like to return to the scene of the crime. At least the goofy ones. Scully asks who found the body and our two agents finally meet Clyde Bruckman.
Scully determines that Bruckman didn't touch the dead body yet he said the eyes were cut out despite the fact that the body was found face down. He just shrugs it off and when Mulder asks how the eyes could've been cut out Bruckman responds that it was done with a crystal ball and Mulder acknowledges that there were crystal shards found on the body. Scully asks how much he knows about the killings and when Bruckman says that he knows some nut is killing fortune tellers, ripping out their eyes and entrails, Scully informs him that the entrails part wasn't released to the press. Mulder gets one of his kooky leaps of logic which prove to be right, like, 95% of the time.

Mulder takes Bruckman to the doll collector/tea leaf reader crime scene. At first Bruckman thinks he's suspected of doing something wrong but then Mulder tells him that he believes Bruckman can see things that they can't see. Yeah... that's the most plausible explanation. Bruckman feels about the same way I do and wants to see their badges again. Scully also gets on the skeptic train as the two show their badges. Bruckman makes fun of Mulder's name before trying to say he didn't do anything and he has no idea what they want from him, then he stops. He gets a vision which is so disgusting that he has to go and throw up. If it's Yappi without pants I'm right with you, buddy. Mulder is amazed and asks Scully to pinch him. Which cheek? Scully does not take him up on his offer, instead she tells him that Bruckman is just an older, less flailing version of Yappi. Mulder however, believes Bruckman is the real deal.
When Bruckman returns he starts talking about the killer. Unfortunately he can only see into the killer's mind and not at him. Bruckman points to a spot where the killer had sex with his victim. Scully asks if he's raping her but Bruckman assures her that it the victim enjoyed and even started it. Ick. Tea reading chick must've been desperate to do it with a goofy looking killer. Bruckman laments that it seems like everyone's having sex except for him. If he were a true psychic he'd take a look at our FBI agents and realize how wrong he was. Darn. Mulder tries to get an answer from the psychic regarding the killer's M.O but he goes all philosophical on them and only stops when he sees a horribly ugly doll. A vision I guess. He tells them they'll find another body at Glenview Lake "by the fat, little, white Nazi storm trooper". And with that odd tidbit, he leaves the agents alone with all the dolls. They should totally play house.

So here we are at Glenview Lake where the next victim is pulled out. There's a crowd gathered and even though I usually suck at 'Where's Waldo', I can spot the goofy killer among the spectators. Don't those people have jobs? Mulder takes Scully aside to point out a propane tank that apparently looks alot like a fat, little, white Nazi storm trooper. I don't really see it. Scully reasons that through power of suggestion they see what Bruckman wanted them to see in that propane tank. Like if you tell someone *not* to think of a pink elephant, they can't help picturing it, even briefly. It's a neat trick, and you can substitute pink elephant for blue rhino or monkey in a hat or a naked Skinner - hello! The trick's not fun anymore... Mulder still thinks Bruckman knew the specifics because he's psychic and Scully still thinks he knew them because he's the killer or possibly a lucky guesser.

Well we can see right off the bat that it ain't luck because Bruckman's playing the lotto and he's losing. Then again, he might have Mulder-style luck where it comes only when it really matters. Mulder knocks on the door and without looking Bruckman says he knows why he came: he found the body and he wants his help. Mulder is amazed by his deduction and Bruckman fakes surprise at seeing him there ("Oh it's you."). Heh. Mulder gets Bruckman to admit he's a psychic and he tells him the downside to his particular ability: freaky visions you can't control and knowing when you're gonna die. Mulder wishes for those powers and all I can say is that he should be happy with his distracting speedo wearing power. Bruckman says something akin to: everything's already pre-destined so why bother doing anything and if he tries to change the future it could result is disastrous consequences. But to hell with all that, you only get to help a crazy believer once in a lifetime.

Mulder and Bruckman are in an interrogation room where Mulder's giving him different trinkets to see what he can get from them. When he gets something right Mulder calls it a "hit" and when he gets something wrong, Mulder will say "miss". Bruckman deduces that a three-frog gold statue belonged to one of the victims, and the person who made it will die of prostate cancer. He also deduces that it's ugly. Hah. Now he's reading *my* thoughts. Scully joins him just as it looks like Mulder's going to tear out his hair. Looks like their psychic's only ability involves predicting how people will die. No wonder he drinks. Bruckman guesses that some blue piece of fabric is from Mulder's Knicks jersey. Great callback to the Beyond the Sea psychic episode. Mulder says it's a miss. Scully pulls out a keychain and asks if Bruckman can do a psychic reading on that. Mulder just asks her to save them the trouble and spill. The keychain was found on their lake victim as well as on two of the other victims. Bruckman rattles off personal info of the manufacturer of the keychains which turns out to be correct. Mulder is impressed until Bruckman says he only knew the information because he sold the manufacturer an insurance policy a while ago. I love how he keeps messing with Mulder. What Bruckman can predict, though, is that the manufacturer's been murdered.

So Scully and Bruckman ride in the front while Mulder fiddles around in the backseat. They're on the way to the body's location and Mulder is pestering Bruckman like a little kid on a long car ride: How does he know about the body? What's it like? What does he see? Are we there yet? Mulder is adorably interested in psychic ability but Bruckman's bitterness is pretty hilarious as he tells him he doesn't know so shut up or Scully will pull over the car and go home. Bruckman then "casually" brings up that there are worse ways to go but he can't think anything more undignified than death via autoerotic asphyxiation. Mulder lets the words sink in then gets this awesome look as he leans forward and asks Bruckman why he's telling him that. I think you know Mulder. I think we *all* know. Whether Bruckman was lying or not, that line has officially endeared him to me. Which is going to be worse for me by the end of the episode. They finally get to the spot and as the three walk through the forest, they make small talk about Bruckman's first vision and how the Big Bopper's death amounted to virtually a flip of a coin. Apparently if you obsess about something long and hard enough, you can make yourself psychic. Good to know. All that long winded talk and they still haven't found the body. They return to the car and the men must shove the car out of some mud while Scully guns the engine. Mud inevitably splatters on Mulder's pants. Can't he go a couple of episodes without ruining a suit? Mulder looks at Bruckman saying he's glad he could make the bitter psychic smile but he's not actually smiling, he's wincing. Mulder checks under the car, and it looks like they found the body.

Mulder, having not learned from the last time he tried this, gives Bruckman some lace recovered from the body, hoping he could give them something. Bruckman asks why they don't use a crime lab to analyze it, Scully and I agree with him. Mulder is too impatient and stubborn to wait for lab results. Bruckman says he's not a crime fighter by trade, though with a cape and some tights... Mulder resorts to bribery: he'll buy some insurance if Bruckman helps them out. Well he can certainly use with all the near dying he does every season. Hope his premiums can handle it. Bruckman just has insight into the killer, no visual on who he is. He starts envisioning a scene from the killer's POV: Mulder bursts into a kitchen with his gun drawn. The lights are off and in the vision Mulder is walking around slowly, looking for the killer but what he doesn't know is that the killer is behind him. In the vision, Mulder doesn't see him because he stepped on a pie that fell on the floor and he's looking down. Possibly coconut cream or lemon meringue. Bruckman's interest in the pie gets me sorta hungry and gets Mulder sorta aggravated. So in the vision, the killer slashes Mulder's throat from behind and... it's definitely banana cream. The psychic has spoken. Mulder thinks he got all that from the lace but no, Bruckman actually got a letter from the killer which probably triggered his vision. The killer's letter sounds as goofy as he looks, and it says that Bruckman is his next target. They've got to protect Bruckman but he predicts he won't survive the episode. Well since he's a guest star, even *I* could've predicted that.

Goofy killer is doing some pre-Bruckman killing. He's visiting a tarot card reader who should really read the newspapers more often. Meanwhile, Bruckman is hiding out at a hotel enjoying room service and the company of a semi-skeptical Scully. She's doing background checks while he eats and she makes a jab at his supposed visions. He takes it in stride. Back at the tarot card reader he predicts the goofy killer is confused and it may come to an abrupt end at the hands of a blonde woman. Or maybe a brunette. Or perhaps a red head. Well, what the hell is left? I'll save you the trouble, it's the last one – specifically a skeptical FBI red head. Speaking of the skeptical red head, looks like her curiosity is getting the better of her. She wants to know if Bruckman can predict his own death. He sure can and she's involved. He tells her they end up in bed together, with her holding his hand and him crying. She calls that a major miss but he smiles his psychic little smile and she can't help return it. Conclusion of the tarot card reading: goofy guy kills him after he flips over the death card.

Bruckman and Scully are playing poker, his luck not being powerful enough to convince her to play strip poker. She talks about Ahab and Macbeth and finally asks him how she dies. He just says she doesn't. Curious. It's Mulder's turn to do guard duty and he finally got results on the lace from the victim. Scully guesses correctly and he makes it into a vague flirty comment. After some talk about coincidences, Scully leaves for the night. Mulder and Bruckman alone in the hotel room. It's a battle to see who will drive who insane first. They're in separate beds and after a while Bruckman invites Mulder to ask another one of his psychic ability questions. He does, asking if Bruckman's ever had prophetic dreams, saying he sometimes experienced dreams that came true later on. Bruckman says that he only has one dream, pausing to ask if Mulder's going to psychoanalyze his dream and give it some weirdo sexual twist. Oddly enough, Mulder says no because he's not a Freudian. Perverts can make innocent dreams sexual too, ya know. Bruckman goes on to describe his dream: he's lying naked in a field of tulips. The visual that accompanies this has him in a white t-shirt and underwear. Thank you inconsistency and censorship! He says that in his dream he doesn't know how get into the field but he doesn't care because he's at peace and then he realizes he's dead. His body rots away, his bones turn to dust and he slips away to the unknown. That's where his dream ends. And now it's time to sleep.

Scully visits the hotel room, a smoking officer Havez in tow. She notices Mulder looks tired. That's what he gets for asking bitter psychics questions about prophetic dreams. Scully informs him that there's been a murder: the tarot card reader. Mulder joins her after making sure officer Havez stays with Bruckman. Mulder's patience with their psychic is wearing thin because his powers can't help them prevent murders plus he tells scary stories before going to bed which don't help someone who's already got insomniac tendencies. Scully actually isn't as annoyed by the psychic as Mulder is. She probably likes having someone push Mulder's buttons and pay her compliments. While they walk down the hall, she nearly bumps into the bell hop and engages in the ever awkward trying to leave shuffle. Goofy killer is the hotel bell hop! And looks like he's headed for Bruckman's room. In that hotel room, officer Havez tries to tell a joke but it loses it's punch line when you tell it to a psychic. The officer wants to know how he's going to die. Good news for him is that his smoking won't do him in, so puff away because in about five minutes you're going to be killed by a goofy looking bell hop, which I think is more embarrassing than dying of lung cancer but less embarrassing than Mulder's way, er, I mean, autoerotic asphyxiation. Officer Havez goes to use the bathroom and Bruckman opens the door for room service. That's when goofy bellhop/killer realizes he's the man he sent the letter to, threatening to kill him. Bruckman also realizes he's the killer at about the same time. Before killing him, the goofy bellhop/killer must know why he's been killing. Bruckman's response is simply because the goofy guy is crazy. That... makes sense. Goofy bellhop/killer seems to be satisfied with that answer because he's crazy, you know. He gets ready to kill him but Bruckman says no, according to his psychic powers, he is not destined to kill him now. The goofy bellhop/killer actually stops and asks him why. Bruckman doesn't know. However, when officer Havez gets out of the bathroom, apparently not having heard any of the conversation taking place right outside because he was smoking so loudly, goofy bellhop/killer knows who he must kill.

Over at the tarot card place, Mulder and Scully are glad to see the killer finally got sloppy and left the murder weapon with his prints on it. Scully discovers lace on her finger and Mulder says it's not necessary with all the evidence they've got. Officer Cline even agrees that they won't be needing psychic theatrics to solve this crime. But suddenly Scully has her own awesome leap of logic, she figures out the bellhop is the killer. Cline is dumbfounded, asking how Scully knew that. Mulder's response: woman's intuition. Awesome.

Over at the hotel, Scully just misses the goofy bellhop/killer escaping and she searches the room for officer Haves and Bruckman. Meanwhile, Mulder is waiting for the elevator when he spots the goofy bellhop/killer who immediately draws suspicion on himself when he turns and runs. Mulder chases him into the hotel kitchen, the lights get turned off by the killer after he enters. It's deja vu as Mulder walks around slowly with his gun drawn. Just like in the vision. He also steps on a delectable pie, just like in the vision. When he realizes this, he turns around but the killer isn't there. The goofy bellhop/killer is still behind Mulder in this vision turned reality. So basically, he was right in front of Mulder before he turned his back to the killer. Mulder's night vision must be horrible. Anyway, Mulder manages to block the knife and the two struggle for a bit before Scully is on the scene to shoot that goofy killer. As she helps Mulder up, he asks how she knew where to find him. Women's intuition at work, baby. Or maybe a lucky coincidence. She points out that Bruckman's prophecy didn't come true since Mulder's still alive and kicking but the same can't be said for Havez. And what about Bruckman?

Mulder and Scully get to his apartment and find Mrs. Lowe's fluff ball Pomeranian tied to the door with a note that recommends Scully adopt it because despite it's human eating tendencies it's paper trained. Well, I'm sold. They find Bruckman in his bed, a plastic bag over his head and an empty bottle of pills in his hand. Poor bitter psychic. Scully sits next to him in bed and holds his hand, a tear seemingly running down his face. So this vision came true as well. All of his visions came true except for Mulder's. I just can't help but wonder why. Is it something about Mulder that screams 'defy death and laugh in it's face'? Is it because Mulder is just that special and important? Little things like this keep me up at night. No, I kid. I'll probably forget about this in an hour and concentrate on Mulder and Scully playing strip poker.

Last scene has Scully watching TV with her new fluff ball dog. Let me make a prediction right now: she'll have the dog for about 19 episodes, bestowing it the name Queequeg, and it shall ultimately be sacrificed for the greater good of Mulder/Scully self reflection on a rock. She watches some Laurel and Hardy on television then gets treated to a Stupendous Yappi commercial. His voice, his attitude, his freakin' eyebrows all combine to make a totally annoying package. Who in their right mind would pay $3.99 a minute to listen to the equivalent of smug nails on a chalkboard? No, Scully... don't you pick up that phone... hear my thoughts Dana Scully... she's got the phone in hand and she... throws it at her TV! It worked! This is why I love you, Scully! Loss of television and phone communication is a small price to pay to get your frustrations out on the Yappi one.