Veiled Vesta

Wait, so the trailer actually isn't out yet? Hopefully it'll be online when I come back with my third recap. For now I got an episode that is actually from the viewing list (plus a mini summary of part 2).

Duane Barry

(**OMG-style Personal note**: THIS IS THE INFAMOUS SPEEDO EPISODE! I didn't give this a proper mini-summary in the other thread due to fangirl spazzing, so I guess this is my chance to do it here! Part 1 of 2? Well that's gonna suck for anyone who reads this and hasn't watched the X-Files... does that person even exist? Who checks out recaps on a shippy thread without knowing about the show? Well I'll see about wrapping up the 2 parter for the possible two people on the entire internet who reads this and will be left hanging on the conclusion.)

Cute doggie! And he's being fed! That's already an improvement on the last time I saw a dog on The X-Files. The dog's walking around the house which has an unusual decor. Were plastic sheets on missing parts of a house all the rage in the 90s? He joins his master on the bed as the TV drones on. Then there's static on the TV and the dog makes a whimpering sound. Outside the house there's some creepy shadows getting closer. The dog gets off the bed and runs out. That dog ain't Lassie, that's for sure. The dog's master, who I might as well identify as Duane Barry, wakes up and realizes that he's not alone. Lights shine through the house and the shadowy figures move closer. They're practically in his house. He's all "No, not again!" and then screams a horrible scream as the light intensifies and what looks like a UFO is above his house.

Opening Credits! Ladies and gentlemen (or just plain ladies) I believe we just saw our first alien abduction, with UFO and aliens present on screen. And no, the Pilot doesn't count. We never saw a ship or aliens. Just a light, some wind, and some sexy bumps on the lower back. Actually, they were just sexy when they involved Mulder and Scully alone in a motel room. Almost as sexy as the scene after the first post-opening scene.

Duane Barry has had one hell of a trip. Just so you all know, that pre-credits abduction happened to him in the mid 1980s. Yeah. Kind of explains why he's in a "Correctional Treatment Center." I wonder what happened to his dog... He's being led into a room to see his shrink and the two make small talk as the guard stands there. When he leaves them alone, the shrink asks him how he feels and if he's been taking his medicine. Duane Barry is pretty compliant for a good portion of the session but he doesn't fool me. Only two kinds of people talk in the third person: crazies and obnoxious jerks. Sometimes both. Duane Barry believes they're coming for him again while the doctor thinks he can calm him down with a shot - not a good idea. Duane Barry makes his escape, armed with a pen he quickly grabs a guard's gun then tries to get the keys for his wrist restraints. His shrink tries to reason with him but he will be having none of that, and opts to take him hostage when the alarm sounds. Nineties "correctional treatment centers" are woefully under-secured.

Sweet merciful crap! You'd think I'd be more prepared for this scene but you'd be wrong! How am I, prudish Hestia, supposed to prepare for Mulder... in a skin tight speedo!? Even after watching this for the third time and glancing at the pictures to "desensitize" myself I still get all... I mean your eye can't help but be drawn to his... For God's sake, red is already a bright, flashy color! Why not just paint an arrow on your muscley stomach that's pointing down and get it over with, Duchovny? I vaguely realize that agent Krycek (temporary replacement partner and future RAT) is in this scene saying something important to Mulder... something about a situation... crazy guy... hostages... did it just wave hello to me!?!?!


...gave us way more sex-obsessed slash fangirls than I'd ever expect from a 90s show. Anyway, after the introductions, FBI negotiator and woman in-charge Lucy Kazdin tells the two agents about the situation: Duane Barry is armed inside a travel agency with four hostages, one of them being his shrink. His demands are safe transportation for him and his shrink to an alien abduction site but he can't quite remember where the site is so he stopped at a travel agency. I suppose Mulder was summoned because of his reputation with alien abductees and even though Mulder's never done a hostage negotiation before, Agent Lucy assures him he'll get through it with their help. Mulder asks if they know anything about their mad man's alien experience and Agent Lucy seems to wonder if he's got a screw loose himself. Mulder thinks that if he knew more about Duane Barry, he'd be better prepared to talk him out of doing something crazy... well, crazier. Agent Lucy just wants Mulder to cut out the Freudian talk and get the guy talking while they figure out a plan of attack.

One of the hostages in the travel agency stupidly complains to Duane Barry which earns him a smack to the face in response. The mad man is tough but fair. Three of the hostages are huddled in a corner while Duane Barry's shrink is tied to a chair. The shrink tells him not to hurt anyone but don't worry, the guy may be crazy but he's not murdering crazy just yet. Right about now he gets a call from Mulder. Let the negotiations commence! Start out with a low bid then haggle your way up to a good price in middle. Mulder reads from a paper, saying the basics: we want to help, we'll give you what you want as long as no one gets hurt - it's all very precise and detailed. Duane Barry says that they have no idea what Duane Barry is going through... did I just refer to him in third person? I'll just say it's lingering after-effects from the "swimming pool debacle"... that thing has some kind of power over unsuspecting girls. In any case, he ain't buying Mulder's scripted speech and refers to it specifically including the HCCR: Honesty, Containment, Conciliation, and Resolution. Mulder is sort of thrown off by that and you know, even if Duane Barry wasn't a former FBI (oh did I mention that before? Because he was), it wouldn't take much to see right through their plan. Especially when you sound like Mulder did on the phone. I suppose he was going for calm and reassuring but it sounded more like he was bored and indifferent. Now that I think about it, with his monotone-type voice (which I love to pieces) bored indifference and calm reassurance sort of blend together. Can't help but wonder how different he sounds in the bedroom. With Scully. And a red speedo. *Ahem*
Mulder is not happy that they didn't mention Duane Barry was former FBI and if they just wanted someone to "read from a script" why did they call for him? Agent Lucy tries to point out how successful the method has been in normal hostage situations but the thing is this is not a normal hostage situation and Mulder tells her so. He asks her if she's ever spoken to an alien abductee, heard how their brains get sucked out through their nostrils and asks if she'd like to know what they do to a woman's ovaries? Agent Lucy would not, thank you very much. The ovaries thing is an odd fact for Mulder to bring up. He just happened to remember that fun little tidbit? What do they do to men's testicles? Well, anyway, I sense FORESHADOWING for what's going to happen to Scully. Mulder makes an angry exit after telling them they should change up their strategy and Agent Lucy asks Krycek for some coffee. I guess she's not in the mood for an egg sandwich. (Okay, that one was bad.)

Speaking of Scully and her soon to be doomed ovaries/ova, she's watching the hostage situation unfold on the news when the phone rings. It's Mulder, wanting some hot telephone banter and ready to dazzle her with his intimate knowledge of the female reproductive system, pre and post abduction. Or maybe he tells her where he is and asks for some help. Mulder needs more info on Duane Barry and Scully gets ready for some computer sleuthing. Suddenly the lights on Mulder's end go out. There's a bit of confusion and panic, particularly by Duane Barry whose building also loses power. He thinks it's an FBI trick and suddenly there's a bright light coming from outside. There's a shot fired and everyone gets down, then more shots are fired which we now see are coming from a freaked out Duane Barry in the travel agency. Ambulances gather outside the agency and the FBI agents try to call him to find out what happened. There's no power on the entire block but Duane Barry doesn't think it's because of a simple electrical surge. Turns out the bald headed hostage who complained earlier got shot and Duane Barry realizes they need a doctor.

So the new plan is for Mulder, dressed as a sexy paramedic, to gain access into the travel agency and talk to the mad man one-on-one hopefully getting the hostages out safely. Of course they make sure a real paramedic goes with Mulder because they still need someone to treat the bald-headed hostage. Mulder gets a headset and mic hidden in a vest so he and the FBI negotiation team stay in contact at all times. One last word of advice before Mulder walks into a mad man's hell: Don't jump into his delusions and don't believe him. Gee, I wonder what will happen later on? Mulder is also encouraged to get Duane Barry to the front door where three snipers will be waiting to get him in the medulla oblongata (a fun word to say!)

Mulder and the real paramedic make their way to the travel agency. One of the hostages, a curly headed young woman named Kimberly, opens the door at the behest of Duane Barry and lets Mulder and the paramedic inside. Duane Barry keeps his gun on them and asks if they're armed. Mulder says they're not but that doesn't stop him from frisking the two. That powder blue uniform is just so damn cute and sexy, how could anyone resist? The paramedic tends to the injured hostage while Mulder tries to reassure Duane Barry that no one is going to hurt him. Everything he says is being monitored by Agent Lucy and the FBI negotiation team, of course, and Mulder's doing a pretty good job so far. He tries to get him to let the hostages go but he won't budge. Then it all goes to hell when he asks if the bright light from earlier was "them". Mulder notes that they lost nine minutes and asks if that's what happened to him when he gets visited. Duane Barry thinks Mulder is just saying what he wants to hear but Mulder insists that he believes him. Agent Lucy's all, "Oh crap, what the hell are you doing?" into Mulder's earpiece but he does what he does best: ignore common sense as he tells Duane Barry about others like him, abductees that he's talked to and how he understands the pain he must feel. Renegade actions aside, Mulder manages to convince Duane Barry to let the bald-headed hostage go so he can be treated for his wound but only in exchange for Mulder. Duane Barry is an awesome haggler – I want him with me next time I'm shopping. The paramedic hauls bald-headed hostage outside while Duane Barry ties Mulder to a chair and wonders how good a liar he really is. Hah, you have underestimated him in his adorable powder blue shirt, my crazy friend. Mulder's got so many stories, he doesn't know where to start. He may as well start with the biggest one of them all, the origin of his quest for the truth: he tells him about his sister being taken. Duane Barry is still not sure of his honesty and Mulder tries to prove his sincerity by asking him about his experience, throwing out questions and familiar symptoms of abductees. Agent Lucy realizes that this is more agitating their mad man than it is reassuring him. Seriously, Mulder needs to work on his reassuring voice, but on the plus side you can her the distinct curiosity, and dare I say excitement, as he asks if "the beings" are tall or small, if there's a ship, and if he's conscious when he gets transported. The two female hostages get an "oh crap" look themselves, noting that Mulder is going to get them all shot because his questions are causing Duane Barry to have some seizure-tastic flashbacks. The flashbacks include little gray aliens invading his house, then a light engulfing him as he floats off his bed. The FBI negotiators haven't gotten through to Mulder so now they have to find another way to see what's going on in there. Duane Barry finally believes. Took him a while to get there but now that he's got a friend in Mulder, he shares his story. He tells him how the aliens can read his mind and Mulder identifies it as a kind of telepathy called a "mindscan." Mulder confirms that he gets taken aboard the ship for tests. And now we get treated to THE WORST dental exam in the world. This is not a fun scene for people who already dislike dentists' offices like I do. Basically it involves painful laser drilling in the guy's teeth and some smoke coming out just to make you extra cringy. Thank you Chris Carter. Were you traumatized as a kid during a doctor's visit or what? While Duane Barry recounts his story, the FBI negotiating team has drilled a hole into the wall to see what's going on in the room. The travel agency room. Don't ask me how they managed to do that but they do. Scully finally calls them with some news, asking for Mulder. Krycek takes the phone and tells her that Mulder's hanging out with his new buddy Duane Barry. Scully's turn to think "Oh crap!" as she tells him that Duane Barry is not who Mulder thinks he is.

Hostage/mad man bonding going on here. When the term Stockholm Syndrome was coined, I don't think they could've quite predicted this. Duane Barry is all quiet as he asks about Mulder's sister. He tells him that she was taken when she was 8 years old and Duane Barry mentions that he had seen young girls when he was taken, and tests would be conducted on them. Painful tests. Mulder tries not to look horrified. His expressive face makes up for his monotone-ish voice He then remembers that he was sent to negotiate the hostages' release, not have a slumber party with the mad man, so he asks him to let the rest of the hostages go and keep him as collateral. Duane Barry doesn't want to let go of his shrink because he's got a score to settle with him, or rather he wants to prove that he's not crazy and take him to the abduction site.
The hole that the FBI negotiators have drilled into the wall with their Unbelievably Quiet Drill (patent pending) allows them to shove a tiny camera through so they can get a visual of the situation. At that moment, Scully comes barreling in all ready to save her man. She won't calm down no matter what Krycek tells her. You go Scully! Agent Lucy asks what the problem is and Scully tells her that Duane Barry is not an alien abductee and he is, in fact, crazy. Not only is he crazy but he was shot on duty and the bullet to the brain caused him to become a pathological liar. And here I thought a bullet to the brain would cause, um, death. Or a coma. Depends on your luck, I guess. Agent Lucy wants to know how Scully became involved in the case and she just tells him that Mulder called her for help, like he always does. Agent Lucy and Scully subtly trade "Mulder is such a gullible idiot" looks before they get working on trying to tell him about this new development.

Meanwhile, Duane Barry is telling Mulder about how the government is in on the alien abductions. A government conspiracy? Really? You don't say! Mulder tells him that he's got to deal with the situation he created and asks where he wants to go. Duane Barry says he wants to go to where it all started: a mountain. Dude, if you tell them Splash Mountain you can get a free trip to Disney Land! But no, Duane Barry says something about "ascending to the stars" and his reluctance to go back. Scully finally gets through on the headset. She tells Mulder that Duane Barry is not who he thinks he is. Mulder listens then asks him how the aliens find him every time. Duane Barry says it's through the implants in his gums, sinus cavities, and belly button. Gross. He says that they work as tracking devices but Scully is telling Mulder otherwise, saying he should be cautious because Duane Barry could snap at any moment. Mulder pauses and considers this before asking the possible liar, Duane Barry, to let the women go. He finally agrees but he still wants his shrink with him. He tells the women hostages to get going and they get up nervously. One of them, curly headed Kimberly, tells him that she believes his story before she leaves. I smell a possible love connection! I blame the lack of MSR contact for kicking my shipper senses into overdrive. Duane Barry needs transportation but isn't sure what exactly. May I suggest the Weiner Mobile? I don't know why but if I could make demands I'd go all crazy (so to speak) with that kind of power. Mulder notices a laser from a rifle on Duane Barry's neck and he calls him back! Mulder, you gullible idiot, I don't care how hot you look in powder blue or how incredibly you pull off (Heh) the red speedo look, you do not get the attention of a crazed gun man just because you believe he's an abductee! The FBI snipers had a clear shot at him but Mulder saved him. With Scully's words in his head, he wants to make sure that everything Duane Barry said was true. Words he should've also kept in his head: *Duane Barry could snap at any moment*. That moment has arrived. He asks if he thinks "Duane Barry" is a liar. Third person when you're losing your mind is annoying and scary. Mulder immediately backpedals, saying that he's not calling him a liar. Duane Barry grabs Mulder's pretty blue shirt and starts screaming that Mulder is just like the others, that he says he believes but he really doesn't. Mulder is just trying to not get shot so he keeps insisting he does believe him and giving the FBI agents on the other end, listening in, an earful of static. Mulder finally gets a word in edgewise, telling him he forgot to lock the front door when he let the female hostages leave. Duane Barry, not wanting any FBI guys walking in, goes to the door and that's when he's introduced to Mr. Sniper Rifle. Bang! Everything goes dark.

Scully and Mulder watch as Duane Barry gets wheeled into an ambulance. Mulder looks upset, probably sorry he got a possible alien abductee shot. Hey, it was him or you, Mulder. Scully asks if he's okay and he admits that he believed him. She tells him that "Sometimes when you want to believe so badly, you end up... looking too hard." This has many useful applications besides conspiracy/alien related. However, I think the question we all want to know is... will Mulder get to keep that paramedic outfit. I think the FBI owe him one.
At the hospital, Mulder (back in his regular FBI suit and tie. Not that he doesn't rock that look but... you know, variety is nice) is walking the halls to meet with Agent Lucy. She called him not to chew him out and call him a gullible idiot, but to thank him for putting himself on the line. She tells him about Duane Barry's condition, he's stabilized in critical condition and she tells Mulder a little about this former FBI agent's past. Got shot under mysterious circumstances and lost everything afterwards: wife, kids, adorable dog... but the reason Agent Lucy called Mulder over to the hospital was to show him some Duane Barry's x-rays. Which show pieces of metal in his gums, sinus cavity, and near his gross looking belly button. Plus he had tiny drill holes in teeth, done by a drill that doesn't currently exist on earth. A "whoops" moment combined with an "Oh crap" moment right there.

Mulder and Scully check out a piece of metal in a little glass container, Scully giving her skeptical "Maybe this is shrapnel" explanation while Mulder just sighs and tells her that Duane Barry was telling the truth. Scully offers to have it examined. In the ballistics lab, a lab tech is checking out the piece of metal under the microscope and what they find will astonish you! It's... a bunch of lines etched on. Yeah. Very fine craftsmanship too. Scully takes the evidence with her to the supermarket where she pays her $11.14 purchase with a check. Really? Eleven dollars and fourteen cents. With a personal check. She may be a pro, but she's got herself some odd habits. The cashier takes the check and her register drawer to put away her money. One would assume that at this point, Scully would take her groceries and go home, maybe stopping by a vending machine and using a credit card to buy a soft drink. However, she pulls out the little metal piece in the vial and surreptitiously runs it across the bar code scanner. The scanner goes nuts. The cashier rushes back and asks Scully if she touched anything, and Scully doesn't technically lie so she shouldn't feel guilty for getting this chick fired. Presumably.

At the hospital, Duane "in critical condition" Barry manages to get out of bed, rush out of his room, and knock a guard over with a fire extinguisher. All because he saw a bright light from some aliens. I guess if you can survive a shot to the head, critical condition doesn't mean much. Looks like Duane Barry is on the run. In a hospital gown. This is going to be unpleasant from the get go.

Mulder is not at his apartment the one time that he really needs to be at his apartment. Scully calls him and gets his answering machine. She tells him about her strange day but doesn't mention that she paid a paltry grocery bill with a check? I suppose it's not as weird as the scanner melt down but still. So you know how there was fine etchings on the metal implant thingy? Well in hindsight, the metal etchings looked an awful lot like a bar code and Scully wonders what the hell the metal thing is. She says that it's almost like someone or something was "using it to catalogue him". Suddenly there's rustling, lightning and when Scully checks the window and OH CRAP it's Duane Barry! Mulder's answering machine is recording as glass breaks and Scully screams. He's saying "Come on" and she's yelling "Mulder, I need your help! Mulder!!!"

Crap, crap, crap! Damn it, Duane Barry you've doomed Scully! Not only does she get kidnapped, but she gets abducted, her ova gets harvested and the cancer - oh the cancer arc! It's freakin' torture! Not to mention what Mulder's going to go through when he gets home from wherever the hell he was to check his messages. Let it go on record that the words on his answering machine shall forever haunt Mulder's soul. That among many, many other things that already haunt his soul. Man, his life sucks, angst-wise.

***

This is just part one of two. And I don't think I can handle a long recap for part two so check out my mini-summary of the second part somewhere in the middle of this page (along with a few other episodes.)

I'll even quote some of the summary for you and add a bit to it: