| Part-Time Fan
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 498
| Fanfiction
I didn't know where to write that so i've opened a new thread.
this is my first fanfic. I didn't finished to translate it (there is 30 pages about and this is the 15 first pages) but maybe tomorrow i finished.
Sorry for the bad translate but it's quite difficult to translate a think or a feeling, lol. hope you'll enjoy it ! (to sum up : jen is not dead ! )
so, this is few year after the TV show Dawson's creek, Joey's telling...
The one who said goodnight, not goodbye...
Here I am again, on my own, with all these same questions I had in the past. Who Am I really? Am I really happy in spite of all the events of my life? With my mum’s death, my dad in prison, rumors that dummies spread while junior high, I grew up alone/on my own. I protect myself on my own. Well, not completely alone. Oh no, I’m not thinking of Dawson, although he’s been very here and one of the most important person in my childhood. My soul mate. Yeah, this word is exactly what we are. In the end we’ve always known each other, but why do I have the impression (/do I feel) that he never really knew who I was? Even if He was here in the very important moments, he never fined the right words, the words which make me feel better, the word (which) I needed. Of course in his way he was with me, as a brother. Yeah we were like brother and sister. But I never could tell him why I didn’t choose him. Pacey had this talent. This gift of being here without being on my side. The gift to know what I felt before I knew it. This gift to sustain me before I felt down. This gift to make me feel alive. Yeah the gift to see me, this « me » that I‘ve spent so much time to hide, to hide from me. It thanks to him if I’ve became what I am today. Him who always challenged me and who knew that I could take up it. He always had faith in me. I’ve never been afraid to be ridiculous with him by my side, when we were together or when I was on stage with Charly, or whenever.
After the Jen’s death, everything became upside down. Of course everybody stayed friends. At the beginning we were closer than we ever been, we always needed to see each other, to be in the arms of each other as if we needed to convince ourselves of her death and of we being still there, as outliving. We meet not only Sunday as usual at Gram’s home but everyday. Then I moved in with Pacey in Boston. He became a proprietor of his own restaurant and I became a publisher. Dawson made his dream real with making a film with Spielberg (an adaptation of “the creek”). Jack and Doug moved in together not far from us (at Boston too) with a house in Capeside for Amy. My god ! Everything happened so fast. Only few months after this terrible death, we've put distance between us.
I can’t believe I’m writing to you, after all this time. To you! You who know me, or who think to know me. I’ve so much things to tell you but at the same time I don’t know how to begin…what could I tell you?...and how?...
Well I’m actually on the plane which bring (/flight) me back to the USA. Yeah after have living in Paris I realised that I missed my home. Well I still have to find my home…”all of life is a coming home, for all of us. All of the restless hearts of the world…all trying to find a way home. It’s hard to describe what I felt like. Picture yourself walking for days in a driving snow. You don’t even know you’re walking in circles, the heaviness of your legs in the drifts; your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel. How far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination. And the storm? The storm was all in my mind. Or, as the poet Dante put it… « in the middle of the journey of my life I found myself in a dark wood…for I had lost the right path.” (Patch Adams). I have a family, friends I don’t have seen for a very long time, but I feel alone. I need to be not over the hook, I need a home…I flight to Capeside, to the B&B…Bessie is my sister, she’s got his own family…and it’s not my home…maybe I need a family?...my own family, this family we built in college. Yeah with Dawson, Pacey, Jen, Jack, Andy, Audrey…I never felt so alone that today…Paris is such a wonderful town but after these years I think it’s time for me to flight back the USA. Each time I came back I never felt at home. You know this feeling when you are home at last (/finally), well I don’t feel it anymore. I wander/roam looking for this home’s feeling but vainly...well waiting for this I go back to Bessie & Body’s home. Alexander grew up so they’re feeling a little alone.
But maybe you wonder why I lived in Paris! Yeah I knew I forgot an episode…well let’s go back in my past…I used to live with Pacey and everything was a kind of perfect. He worked at his restaurant (everybody loved him because he used to help the waiters and this is uncommon at work, I mean the boss who helps the employee…). He was such a good head cooker and very famous. I worked as publisher; well I tried ‘cause Pacey challenge me to write. What I did. And then “surprise !” My book has been published, I was really…you know…like « oh my god! ». But then I thought going on publish and forget writing when one day, doorstep…I was so astonished/surprised I couldn’t say any word. Eddy. Eddy was standing here in front of me. HE was come back again in my life. After few seconds of trouble we walk and take a coffee.
Joey : so ? when will you tell me what you were doing on my doorstep ?
Eddy : I read your book.
Joey : yeah ? well I know I have to progress. You have to know that it’s my first book, and it wasn’t my idea. In fact all this is because of Pacey. He challenges me to write and…
Eddy : I liked it a lot.
Joey : really ? the wonderful writer who became liked my book ?
Eddy : you look like amazed ! Don’t you remember that I ‘m supposed to not rely on me…not you!
Joey : yeah…I’m so proud of you. I read all your short story! And Dawson tells me he’ll adapt one of them to cinema? That’s incredible!
Eddy : yes. Look Joey, I’ll be straightforward. I came and see you for a reason.
Joey : what happened ? Tell me !
Eddy : M.Wilder ask me to come.
Joey : what ? My old teacher?
Eddy : yes he loved your book like me. He enjoyed to see that the essay he asked you to write at your first year became a novel.
Joey : oh yeah I remember ! he was interested in my story with Dawson…oh my God this is to far from today…
Eddy : be that as it may there is in France (in Paris) a kind of ceremony to reward young writers. Wilder is a member of the jury and he would like to see you.
Eddy gave me a plane ticket. A single ticket…
Joey : well…wait a minute…why does he want to see me ?
Eddy : I thought you were a bright girl! (he said with a mocking smile). You may have a prize for your novel!!!
Joey : oh my god ! Why didn’t call me? Yeah! Why it’s you who’s coming and tell me that!
Eddy : well I meat him after my study. At this time he was famous in published world. In fact Hetson introduced each other. He tells me he did known you…and I tell him I did known you…in short, I have things to do here so he ask me to inform you about this ceremony to be sure you ‘ll be there.
You can imagine how I was surprise. In the evening I related to Pacey what Eddy told me and he was very happy for me: another challenge! But he couldn’t come with me, and he wouldn’t come…this wasn’t his world:
Pacey : you’ll be so better without me to tease you in these worldly party
Joey : yeah…you don’t want to exchange your pinafore for a smoking !
Pacey : well you’re right ! Even if I’m sad to don’t see your evening dress
Joey : I’ll miss you
Pacey : yeah but our reconciliation will be wonderful…(he took me in his arms and kissed me) and I’m sure it’ll be good for you to travel
Joey : what do you mean ?
Pacey : I see how you are since Jen’s death…you need to moved, to think of other things.
Joey : yes, it’ll be great…
I crouch in his arm, thinking I’ll miss him more than ever.
Of course I never tell him about my relationship with Wilder, which wasn’t really a relationship after all. In short I left and gone to Paris. In France I recovered M.Wilder and a smile enjoin on my face. He was the first who let me think that I was talented. It was good to see him.
Wilder : miss Potter, I’m happy to see that you’ve listen to me !
Joey : what do you mean ?
Wilder : do you remember ? After my first class: “The problem with your story, Joey Potter, is that it ends at the very moment it should begin” (dawson’s creek, 501). So after few years I’ve read you fixed this story…exactly what I expected from you…you’ve made progress!
Joey : I hope so after so many years !
Wilder : you’re like the good wine, you become better with the years ! (he gave me a wine glass)
Joey : thank you, I see you’ve not changed so much…
Wilder : and I learnt what happened the day of your thesis with the jury…thank goodness … they didn’t judge you for what happened since they congratulated you!...
I was absorbed in my past, few years ago. Pacey and I just broked up. He still had this inferiority problem and our quarrels never ended. I wanted to him he changes because I couldn’t bear this situation and these screams. I wanted he stop to don’t have faith in himself. He couldn’t understand that I loved him exactly like he was. He didn’t accept his life and mine nether et it was the same for me. I couldn’t bear my life just as it was at this moment with Pacey and he suffocated me because I was shame on my success. One day he screamed on me something like « I feel like I'm stupid and I'm worthless and I'm never right. But you know what I realize? That it's not my fault! That it's not my fault. Because when I'm with you, it's poor Pacey… » (Dawson’s Creek, 420) and then to answer him I left. I have to appear for my thesis about Molière few days after that, Pacey promises me to come but after the event I was pretty much sure he won’t come. This is what I remember of this day:
Joey : «the passion that Célimène try to fight, this passion is sometime so deeply touching. We can’t change someone and we aren’t allowed to require this change. With embarrassed excuse and in the 17th century’s language, what Célimène tries to say to Alceste is: « if you love me then accept me just as I am because I won’t change. Accept me just the way I am and I’ll accept you as you are. »
Jury : you’re out of one’s senses ?
Joey : you think ? Because I use my private life, my own feeling in a thesis? This is risky but if I take the risk of talking about love today this is because nothing have changed and it is as so difficult as in the 17th century to reconcile love and own development. (…) but if they accept their defect, if they succeed in smiling about their difference then it would be the victory of love over pride or vanity! But these sacrifices are deserving for true love. And how can we identify a true love? The day when you realize that the only person able to console you is the one who really hurt you. Then we know we are a couple. Being present at a true love’s failure is dreadfully sad. Imagine two people throw back in their own loneliness, this is a grief! I think that’s what Molière tells us through the years. Yes this is to you that I’m talking. Is there someone here who enough loves the one who said he loves to prefer her happiness than yours? To let her to live on her rate, to cry of her disappointment and to laugh oh her joy?
Une voix derrière moi s’éleva : Yes, me !
I didn’t need to look on my back to know that Pacey keep promises and was there from the beginning.
Jury : mister, please keep quiet, this appearance is public but only if the public keep quiet
Pacey : I’m sorry sir, I thought she was asking and I need to answer !
Jury : well mister, now it’s done I invite you to be silent in order that miss Potter finishes her thesis.
Joey : I’ll finish with this Alferd de Musset’s words : “all the men are lying, inconstant, false, talkative, hypocrites, proud or cowards, contemptible and sensual. All the women are perfidious, cunning, conceited, curious and unpaved (…). But there is in the world a healthy thing and sublimates, it is the union of those so imperfect and so dreadful people. One is often misled in love, often wounded and often unhappy, but one likes! And when one is on the edge of his tomb, one is turned over to look at behind and one says oneself: (I made pause while turning over me and I looked at Pacey in eyes, because after his intervention, I knew that it was necessary that I find a way to answer him, to say him that I forgave it, that I loved him, that I wanted that one comes together) I often suffered, I was mistaken some time, but I loves. It is me which lived, and not a factitious being creates by my pride and my trouble”. (Extrait du film l’étudiante, avec Sophie Marceau)
Jury (after a silence): well miss Potter, we’ll send you the result in few days.
Joey : thank you mister
And then Pacey and I have taken a coffee and talked. I came back home and we have been happy still today.
Wilder get met out of my dreams:
Wilder : eho ! Are you still here with me?
Joey : yeah ! Sorry, I was just thinking of my thesis!
We spent all the party laughing en thinking of my first study year. Well to sum up our reunion was really a good time, maybe a too much good time. I make it clearer: after talk and talk and keep talking I get the prize few days after that. I was so happy! I succeeded ! I was talented and this talent was grateful for the biggest writers! I was sad that Pacey wasn’t here to share this moment. But I was so happy to share my success with Wilder because in a way he was the reason of all what happened to me, he had encouraged me to write in the past. I decided to don’t come back right now to USA. I was back in Paris, I came there once after my study but only few days, so I stayed. Pacey understood, I knew I loved this town et that it was my dream to come back. I spent a lot of time with Wilder who showed me Paris and its secrets. Thanks to him each peace of Paris kept a lot of memory and story about famous people. Montmartre, the « quartier latin », Notre Dame, the second-hand bookseller on Seine bank near the « quartier St Michel » it was magical. Day after day I rang Pacey up less and less. I missed him but certainly he missed me more. He wondered if I would come back. I didn’t know how to tell him I felt so light up in Paris. Moreover I became charmed again by Wilder(ou again * la fin ?). It was so pleasing ! I mean a great and famous professor thought I was talented…days became weeks and the discussion I was afraid of came…Pacey accepted the situation with the passing of time:
Joey : Pacey, I don’t think to come (coming) back to USA. I’m so sorry to tell you that on phone it sucks. You know how much I feel good here, I feel more alive.
Pacey : yeah I know this feeling except that I feel it when I’m with you not, pas quand je suis * l’autre bout de la Terre…
Joey : Pacey, I’m so sorry. But you know, Paris is the town of passions, I’m so inspired here. I’ll keep writing. (i wasn’t sure that i should tell him what i wanted to because i knew it were gonna hurt him. But I didn’t want to lie to him.) I became charmed by Wilder again. Nothing happened yet and…
Pacey : thank goodness for that !!!
Joey : Pacey, he asked to live with him…
Silence…
Joey : Pacey are you still here ?
Pacey : I thought nothing happened between you!...
Joey : Pacey, you are in a position to know that the sexe isn’t everything in a relationship…
Pacey : yeah but please avoid the comparison between our relationship and yours
Joey : that’s not what I meant. You will always have a particular and important place in my heart but…
Pacey : but you stay in France with another guy…I thought our relationship was more important than that for you. I see I was wrong, as usual, well done Pacey, what an idiot I am !
Joey : don’t say that !!! You know you’ll stay in my heart but in another way…I’m sorry…
Pacey : in any case I can’t do anything. You ‘ve made a choice, I can’t say anything, it would changed nothing. So if you are happy then so much the better for you. I’ll be seeing you Potter. (and then he hung up on me)
In my heart this breaking up hurted me but I didn’t have any regrets. I had a wonderful chance to live in France and more than that I could make an old dream true: to have a relationship with my teacher Wilder. I stayed in touch with everybody in the group. Pacey accepted this umpteenth breaking up and was happy for me. Well this is what he said but he didn’t often give me a call, we were both embarrassed.I knew I’d hurted him and the others was telling me that he didn’t look good but that would go away (/pass on). Then months passed, I had more and more difficulties to write. Wilder tried to challenge me but I had lost my inspiration. I tried to paint again but I did lost my talent for that too. Days after days Wilder and I realized that we weren’t really in love. I couldn’t explain it. We never quarreled but somewhere I knew I missed something and he knew I wasn’t the one he needed. We broked up in calm and agreement. So here I am in the back plane as the famous writer : Joey Potter. I miss my friends. I miss Jen. Am I gone too long ? I don’t see them for so long…well mu plane land, I tell you my come back the next time…
You’re not gonna believe me !!! I know it seems crazy but after my arrival I’ve seen Jen’s double. Yeah well I know it’s ridiculous, but my heart has jumped, I’ve almost jumped on her. But the reality maked up for me and yearning steal over me. As soon as I’m back I made my way towards Grams’ old house. But of course I finished my walk at Dawson’s home who were there for a few days. Our reunion was extraordinary, it was like we were 15 again, we didn’t stop talking all the night. Time didn’t blotted anything out of our memory, now I know it. I clamed up the ladder with the secret hope to return in the past. Dawson were startled by a sound coming from outside the window and he grabbed his laptop ready to use it to hit whatever comes through the window and it was me who felt to the floor while trying to climb through the window.
“Joey: Oh! Ow! Ow
Dawson : You scared the hell out of me.
Joey : sorry ! It was too late to ring the bell, and I saw the light on, so I thought, why not? Were you sleeping? Because I can leave.
Dawson : No, no. I'm glad you're here” (621 Dawson’s creek). When did you arrive?
Joey : few hours ago.
Dawson : and what were you looking for with climbing through the window? Except scared the hell out of me…
Joey : I don’t really know, a refuge maybe ? Go back to the past? Well if you want to know everything I was nostalgic…
And then you’ve talked and talked telling about our lives, its evolution, the happiness past and future. None of us seemed really happy at this time but we didn’t want to talk about that. And after that I came back to the B&B to see Bessie and family. Dawson left few days after.
After this break’s life I went back to Boston : my last job proposed me some works so I’ve accepted ! I’ve see again Jack and Doug who lived not far from Grams’ home. Audrey’ll sing here soon…I’m so happy to see again my friends. I haven’t already see Pacey again. He doesn’t know I’m here; I didn’t want to tell him (I’m kind of anguished seeing him).
That’s incredible ! I’ve seen the double’s Jen again! or maybe it was another one… well I was shopping and she was far so maybe this person was completely different…and even if she wasn’t what could I do? I have to stop thinking of the past. Oh! I’ve seen Pacey !!!. Do I tell you? It was as always between us. I came in his restaurant, he was turning his back on me and I didn’t know how to approach him. I was both asking me a lot of questions and moving forward him with big gestures which came with the discussion I invented in my head…then I came to him (still on back). Without turning to me he told me:
Pacey : Potter, how many time are you waiting for jumping in my arms ?
Joey : Witter, how can you do that ? To know when I’m here?
Pacey : a secret Potter !...my secret…
Joey : yeah, well I’m happy to see you too !
Pacey : eh wait a minute I didn’t say I was happy to see you ! But yeah it’s pretty much cool !
Joey : what ??? Pretty much cool? You couldn’t find something better??? Eh I can leave if I disturb!
Then we grappled with each other and laughing.
Pacey : so good that you’re here ! Come on back in my arms!
And that was it. Right there. That was the moment. I certainly realize that in his arms I feel like at home. But for hiding my trouble I kept speaking:
Joey : so still a cooker ?
Pacey : eh yeap ! as you can see…(showing me a prize, I was in one of the famous restaurant of Boston)
Joey : oh my god !!! and you didn’t tell me anything !!!
Pacey : yeah you know me ! but as you know I like simplicity so I had a “café theatre” near from here. Audrey comes over there sometimes to sing with her guitar, but in anonymity…let’s go to take a coffee?
Joey : with pleasure mister Witter!
Pacey : don’t call me like that, we thought you’re talking to my dad
We talked during lots of hours…but he had to go and work.
Pacey : promises me to come and diner sometimes.
Joey : I promise Pacey. And now you know I live not so far from your restaurant so don’t hesitate to come ok?
Pacey : ok !
Then I went to diner by Doug & Jack ‘home, happiness in my heart. When I came in I was speechless and tears was on my face without I realize…Jen. Jen was in front of me. No it was impossible. I realize it must be Amy (last time I saw her she was a child) and she looked like to her mother, nothing else !
Joey : Amy? You’ve grew up so much! Excuse me for react like that but you so look like your mother!
But nobody reacted. As if my coming in had stopped the time and everybody. Then the door in my back came open and Emmy came in.
Amy: hi everybody! Sorry to be late but I was with friends and…
Seeing my stupefaction everybody stop talking.
Jack : Joey, you should to sit down you’re as white as a sheet.
But before anything I ran and took her in my arms.
Joey : oh I can’t believe that. I missed you so much, it’s so good to see you again. I know I’m dreaming but I don’t care. You can’t imagine how much I miss you, every day I think of you and…
Jen : Joey calm down. I miss you too but I have to tell you something : you’re not dreaming.
Jack : Joey please sit down.
But I was passed out. When I waked up Jack, Doug and Emmy was on my side.
Joey : what’s happened ?
Jack : you passed out.
Joey : I’m sorry, I don’t know why it’s happened. I must be tired or something, I should go back and sleep.
Jack : Joey, stay seated. I know it’s a big shock but it’s real. Jen would like to tell you a story
But I couldn’t believe this. It was impossible, unreal. To be sure of that happening I took Jen’s hand and she kept my hand in hers.
Jen: so how are you doing? I’ve seen you had a kind of an Oscar!
Joey : yes ! eh if it’s a dream we have to do crazy things !!!!
Jen : well I’m not going to speak for nothing so : Joey you’re not dreaming. So before you do something you could regret I’m gonna to tell you an amazing story. First I want to apologize for all the pain you must had felt when I left. I was so angry with myself about that.
Joey: yeah but Pacey was here et it’s was for Amy that we worried, but she looks good ! (When I’ll tell this dream to the others they’ll never believe me...)
Jen: what happened is hard to believe so I’m going to try to sum up. My past made up for me.
Joey: ok you seemed to be attached on your story so I’m listening to you. But Jen I know that I’m supposed to be the bright one in our group but I sometime need some explanation…
Jen: yes, wait a second. My New York’s past made up for me. I never tell you all the truth of what happened in New York before I came to Capeside. To sum up the dealer I knew escaped from prison and tried to find me because I had helped the police to put him in prison. That’s because of all this story that the police accepted to let me free only if I was agree to move and not stay to New York. That’s why I came to Capeside. Well when he escaped the police loosed him because with esthetical surgery he had another face. The only way for my to be safe was to make believe for people I knew, for people I loved, for everybody that I was dead. It was the worth moment in my life: I had to say goodbye for everyone : my family, my friends, my daughter. But few days ago the police tell me this dealer was killed. My life saw the light for the very first time since Emmy’s birth.
Joey : but why don’t tell us anything at this time ? Jack I came here two days ago and you didn’t tell me anything
Jen : I had to tell you. If I didn’t day anything at first it’s because I wanted to meet my daughter and try to explain to her what happened. I wanted she tries to forgive me and maybe understand me, to know me. I was really shame to keep on lying to you but I owed that my daughter. Grams knows I’m back for a very few days.
Joey : oh Jen ! I’d like so much it was true and that you really came back!
Jack : euh Joey, I promise you you’re not dreaming !
Joey: so everything is true?...I would need time to realize but…is it really you???
Jen: yes and one more time I ask you to forgive me
Joey: no it’s forgotten, it’s so good to see you again! I don’t want to talk about that anymore.
Jen : yes but you have to understand that I feel awful in relation to you, the grief I inflicted you. I would like so much you forgive me and that I live down all this story.
Joey : I’ve my idea. At first I would like we do as if you‘ve never gone, as if we just say goodbye yesterday. Tell me the last Jack’s teasing this morning; tell me your patented, meaningless Jack-Jen fag-hag banter
Jen: you said « at first » so what then?
Joey: yeah then if you want we forgive you, you have to tell the others!!! And you know they’ll forgive you because we all are your friends and we can’t bear you a grudge comes be back! Well if they can believe you of course !
Jen : thank you !!! oh I missed you so much !!! (she took me in her arms)
Then I had one of the best evening since so many years. I told her I just meat Pacey again…
Jen : yeah I remember when I was on my deathbed you told me: « I know who I'm supposed to be with. I've always known. » … so it’s was Pacey. Well I thought as much.
Joey : yes and I forgot that with the time. Well I thought so !
Jen : I was certain to don’t miss the last Pacey and Joey’s reconciliation
Joey : we are so far from a reconciliation! But I feel good with him…in fact when I’m with him I feel…
Jen : alive ? at home ?
Joey : euh…beuhf…yeah that’s right. But how can you do that!?!
Jen : this is so obvious ! Joey, you always had this attitude with him : you were not playing, you were you, you were true you were good. Pacey always knew reading in you better than me by the way!...Yeah this is so obvious watching you, I don’t know how explain it to you but the first word I think about when I see you with him is “home”. You’re alive just as he is with you. You can't rely on someone else to make you feel alive. It's an inside job.… But in your case it’s particular…you need each other.
Joey: but I’m feared. We broke up so many times, the last one he almost wasn’t angry ! As if he was become indifferent. I immediately thought he didn’t love me after all. He didn’t screamed; he just hung up on me which was normal. He didn’t call me, I’ve always called him. He didn’t really talk to me anymore he listened to me above all. I fell him sad but he never wanted to talk about it.
Jen : oh my God ! after so many years you still don’t understand ? Joey, he just had to know you’re happy to be happy. This is his only happiness, his only life’s aim. Even if you’re not on his side he could be happy just knowing you’re happy ! of course this is nothing compared to the happiness to be with you but this is love. When the other’s happiness is more important than own happiness.
Joey: but what do you want me to do ! He’ll never want come back to me! If I were him I would be too much afraid to be hurt one more time. Since I met him again I feel like I’m lost, I don’t know what I feel or what I think anymore. Jen I left him few hours ago and I already miss him!
Jen : yeah now it’s evident you’re really hooked on him !
Joey: stop make fun of me! It’s not funny! He’s the only one person who makes me feel like that!
Jen : excuse me but it’s so good to have this kind of conversation. After all this is the same conversation that the one we had the last time I’ve seen you, on my deathbed.
Joey : well, Jack what do you think about that ? Because you listen to us since a moment but you didn’t say anything !
Jack : well I appreciate seeing Jen speaking in the same way that before and I know how everything gonna be end.
Joey : you enlighten me or I have to find the switch ?
Jack : none ! he said looking at his glass as if he was talking for himself (he made a pause whitch I thought never-endling, then looking at me)…He had not one girlfriend since you left to Paris.
Joey : what? really? no I can’t believe that.
Jack : but that’s true.
Doug : Joey, I know my brother and I can tell you that life’d never lived down you. You miss him Jo so don’t loose time asking question to you. You’re the only one in the world to give him this butterfly and I told me that when you were sixteen years old…
Door’s ring.
Doug : I go !...oh when we speak of someone! Here he is!
Pacey : hi old chap !
I wasn’t the only to have a funny face’s expression while coming in…you should see Pacey’s expression while seeing Jen !!!
Pacey : oh my god I must be more tired that I thought…I’m gonna go and sleep I’ll see you tomorrow
Doug : Pacey, stay we have to talk.
Thinking dreaming and after a pause he ran towards Jen and took her in his arms. I felt a twinge of sadness… this was stupid because I couldn’t be jealous of Jen even when she just restored to life to him, even if he thought he was dreaming ! as if he understood or knew my feelings he came near me and after kiss me in my neck he told me:
Pacey : hi sweetheart, it’s glad to see you after these few hours far from you! (And then to Jen): YOU! This is a so crazy dream but it’s so good to see you!
Jen : and if I told you you’re not dreaming ?
Pacey : well at first I won’t believe you and then I think I should sit down and to finished you should have a crazy explanation to prove it to me ! You’ve made some government experiment for resurrection or something? Oh I think I’ll love this dream !!! do you think I can have some pretty girl and a million dollar ?
Jen : ah Pacey You’ll never change ! OK I’m gonna to tell you the same that Joey. After that you could decide if you wanna believe to your dream’s theory or not.
Pacey : go on I’m listening (he had this funny appearance, convinced he was dreaming)
He listened to Jen from the beginning until the end, and then he took a pause to ponder.
Pacey : well your story is plausible. Crazy indeed but plausible. Joey did you believe that? (Without waiting an answer) of course you did if I’m dreaming you had to have believed…Aouch!!! (Jack just gave him a pinch).
Jack : it was to help you to believe in the reality !
Pacey : yaeh ! well the reality hurts sometimes…(his eyes stayed in mine during he said that without he wanted to).
Then the afternoon passed quite quickly we just were happy to be together. It was as if nothing changed. After few hours I decided to leave and Pacey propose me to go right up to my door:
Joey : well with pleasure and it’s not as if you had to go a long way round since I’m on your way
Pacey : yeah as always (thinking she always had been on his way life)
Joey : what ?
Pacey :eh ? Nothing! I was thinking in a loud voice. I thought that if you prefer walk home alone I could walk ahead
Joey : ah ah, very funny ! So are we going?
Pacey : bye everybody ! And don’t forget Audrey’s concert tomorrow at the café so as usual don’t tell to anybody otherwise there‘ll be so much people that we’ll never see each other anymore…
Jen told me that Pacey and I left, Jack ask to her to live with him and Doug. Jack’s house is very big and Doug and he was thinking of split it of 2…She told me that Jack opened his heart for the very first time since she was come back. He looked like so lost without her…his soul mate…and she was too. I’m very happy that they are together again.
In the same time, I was with Pacey.
Pacey: it’s incredible: Jen’s back we’ve just passed the evening with her as if nothing changed. I can’t believe that !
Joey : yeah
Pacey : come here (he took me in his arms. He knew one more time that I was thinking of my mum. Jen was coming back but I knew that my mother’ll never come back). It gonna be allright, we have to be happy! Show me your smile I love so much.
Joey : Yes captain! But it’s late, I’m gonna go and sleep.
Pacey : is it because of your old age that you’re tired at this hour?
Joey : ah ah…no in fact, seeing Jen puts me a little upside down. It’s just as if we were in another reality you know ? and more than that everything is closed at this time then as well go and sleep !
Pacey : but it’s Friday night and don’t forget I’ve got a café ! But if you prefer to snore I’d understand!...
Joey : eh I don’t snore !!!
Pacey : yeah…we shouldn’t talking about that…so let’s go to this café or not ?
Joey : let’s go!!!
So We talked and talked pretty much only about the Jen’s come back and Capeside’s memory. I was really happy about this moment with Pacey. Everything was so simple, so real, so easy. Our complicity was undamaged.
Joey: by the way why did you come to jack’s house just now ? you told my you were tired when I saw you few hours before that!
Pacey : Well Potter I have to tell you that work wake up me !
Joey : eh Pacey,don’t take it badly but I know you for a very long time and I know that you were sleeping at school (when you get to school of course). The sexe were the only reason of your work
Pacey didn’t react.
Joey : Oh here it is…is there a pretty waitress in your restaurant ? (I felt a twinge of sadness)
Pacey : don’t be silly!
Joey : come on ! you can tell me everything, don’t you ?
Pacey : in fact no ! Not this time. It’s late don’t you think?
J : Pacey did I say something which hurt you ? Because if I did you know it wasn’t my intention! You know that I’m the first to be pride of you.
P : I know don’t worry it’s not about that. And there’s nothing. In fact it’s late and tomorrow there is the Audrey’s concert. That’s why I should go and sleep few hours.
J : oh ! Ok if you want to ! I go…goodnight ! ah bon, très bien, si tu y tiens ! Je te laisse * tes rêves, bonne nuit !
P (sighing): yeah…
J : (I was looking for a pretext to stay because I knew that outside I’ll miss him). That’s too bas because I wished dance with my charming prince…if you see him could you tell him something nice about me ?...
P : oh but if you wanna dance this a the perfect place !
J : Witter, are you telling me that you are my charming prince ?
P : yeah but only for the evening…I have to learn again to bear you…
J : ah ah ! So nice of you !
P : yaeh Pacey Witter, the nice guy ! Do you accept this danse miss Joséphine Potter ?
J : with pleasure.
We were dancing and the magic of this moment were steal over us. My heart hurt me and screaming me it was alive. Pacey’s eyes were deeply and sweet as usual. But I prefer to broke this moment.
J : but you still don’t have answer to my question !
P : which was ?...
J : come on Pacey
P : No I promises you I don’t remember !
J : why did you come to jack’s house?
P : well…eh…I wanted to see you
J : really…
P : you bear me ?
J : because you wanted to see me ? oh come on ! in fact after this evening… well after this evening I…
P : were you nervous miss Potter ?
J : no I’m not !!!
P : I’m happy to still make you nervous after all these years…
J : that’s what you think Witter !
P : because you think you can lie me ?...I know you better than yourself !
J : but people change…
P : maybe but your eyes’ll always tell me what your lips doesn’t want to say…I’ll always know what your eyes’ll telling me… J : really ?...you think to know me as well ?
P : absolutely Potter !
J : so what are they telling you right now ?...
P : mmmmh same thing that mine…but you should tell me…
J : …(after a break) I wanted to see you too.
We were eye in eye trying to stop the time. Just to stay at this moment, you know, when everything is possible. All my body wanted him. Then We hurd « say goodnight » at the radio.
Say Goodnight
Say goodnight, not goodbye
You will never leave my heart behind
Like the path of a star
I'll be anywhere you are
In the sparks that lies beneath the coals
In the secret place inside your soul
Keep my light in your eyes
Say goodnight, not goodbye
You are everything you want to be
So just let your heart reach out to me
I'll be right by your side
Say goodnight, not goodbye
You are everything you want to be
So just let your heart reach out to me
Keep my light in your eyes
Say goodnight, not goodbye
Each word was ours. But suddenly :
P : Joey, you are vibrating
J :what ?...
P : you’re vibrating, your phone !
J : oh yeah ! excuse me… …Hello ? Dawson ? why are you calling me have you seen what time it is ? no I wasn’t sleeping, well yes but why do you call me? no it’s ok, see you tonight !
Dawson wanted to know if we were to Audrey’s concert. How does he know?
P : I think Audrey told him. They leave near from each other, well when she’s at home of course!
J : great!... look Pacey, I think I should go.
P : yeah of course you’re right. Tomorrow gonna be a long day. Good night Jo!
J :’night Pace.
P : Joey ?
J : yes what ?
P : you come and eat tomorrow ?
J : yes of course. See you !
I left and close the door behind me…but open it suddenly.
P : did you forget something ?
J : yes, that !
And I’v kissed him…i twas as if I’ll die if I stop. I had missed him so much I couldn’t stop.
P : Joey, you can be sure that I really want you very much but are you sure this is a good idea ? I was just thinking that it maybe could be a mystake…
J : so stop thinking !
And i went back to his arms. I didn’t wanna wait anymore. I didn’t wanna lose time asking question and turn around and have a so long discussion sounds like “it is the good time or not? That is the question… » i wanna him right here, right now i never did such sure of that. I wanna make my life with him, that what I told jen before she died so many years ago. I had lost my way but now I knew were I was, what mde me happy and that was Pacey. Our love behaviours ended on the billard table ( I know I surprise myself sometimes…)
P : Potter, i don’t moan about that but it had never been so passioned between us and…
J : yeah i know but you know when one really wait for something a very long time one can’t resist…
P : well i didn’t know you could lose patience so quickly… you came back yesterday and…
J : yeah but for the first time since so many year i finally see the true. I was waiting for this moment since i take the plane for Paris. I was lost but i’m not anymore.
P : which means ?…
J : I love you Pacey, I never stoped loving you and I miss you. I know I’ve hurt you when I left to Paris and…
P : sshhht… don’t say a word. You know that all I want is you to be happy. And if this is with me it makes me the happiest guy in this world. so please do me a favour. I fell like tonight everything is like it’s used to be : jen is back, you came back with me. So all I want to is to forget these last few years. We don’t think of all happened. We just love without question, ok ?
J : Witter you always know what i want…
P : so you come back home ?
J : what ? you really want me to move in with you ?
P : I miss you Joey….I don’t wanna wait…
J : so I really can move in ?
P : Potter, if I ask you ! here is your key! And anyway you don’t have the choice, you come back home and that’s it ! (he charges me on his shoulders)
J : how could i resist…
Today jen comes and helps me to move on in Pacey’s apartment, Dawson comes this afternoon and Audrey for her concert. I’ll tell you…
J : Hi Jen, oh I still don’t believe you’re here. Come in my arms. Mmmmmh that’s so good to have you by our side.
Jen : for me too it’s really good to see you again. Before everything make me a coffee et tell me everything about last night I wanna know everything….
J : first I’d like to thank you, car avec la conversation d’hier j’ai pris conscience qu’il y a des années je savais déj* ce qui me rendrait heureuse, et depuis je me suis égarée, mais grâce * toi je me suis retrouvée.
Jen : you’re welcome darling. Bon tu me racontes tout en faisant les cartons ou on se pose tranquillement sur le canapé ?
J : oh I’m so exciting I couldn’t do both in the same time so come and sit down.
And I told Jen everything happened last night. I missed her so much. It was so good to talk to her.
Jen : so to sum up : you love each other, and you finilly follow my advise « carpe diem » ?...
J : that’s right !
Jen : I’m so happy for you guys.
J : and wassup for you ?
She told me about Jack and her feelings about him and Amy. This girl is so wonderful and strong… Then we went to Pacey’s restaurant.
P : hello young ladys, hi sweetheart (kissing me). I suppose Jo told you everything about last night ?
Jen : yeah shed id. I’m really happy but I won’t play billard for few days…
P : eh she told you really everything !!!
J : oh come on !!! i didn’t see her for a so long time !!!! I had to!!!
P : yeah… right……(perplexed). Dawson called me this morning He come sooner than he told. He should be here in a few minutes… Jen : be ready, i told him that joey were here so he should come… here he comes!
Dawson était livid, just as if he were in front of a ghost (what was normal since he really must think to believe he was in front of Jen’s ghost)
D : oh my god…I should stop travelling. Jo I promises you I’m seeing Jen’s ghost just beside you…
J : Dawson, …
D : no I know what you gonna to tell me, I’m ridiculous. I know that’s because I miss her but …
Jen made so fun of that situation and were smiling in spite of her fear of Dawson’s reaction when he’ll realise that she was really there.
J : first hi then sit down.
D : yes sorry how are you doing ? Pacey told me you were together again? I’m happy for you guys.
He couldn’t stop watching Jen, as if he were afraid that she went away. Jen kept smiling without a word. But when she saw he wasn’t say anything, she broke the silent :
Jen : Dawson I…
D screamed : oh my god !!! (he jumped and went away the table)
J : sit down Dawson
D : I’m really sorry Jo but it’s still this kind of ghost. Do you have aspirin or something ?
Jen : I’m not a ghost Dawson !
J: no Dawson, I see her too that’s why I appreciated you sit down before passing out.
Dawson couldn’t react, he crumble on the chair and keep looking at Jen.
D : it’s impossible, I’m dreaming ! No I become crazy it must arrive one day with my work… I really need aspirin… __________________ "Better have pain of peace than agonie of war" Michelle Williams, Land Of Plenty |