Red's Diary Entry: #12
Red longs for kid repellent
I'm fully recovered from my heart attack, so I thought I was finished with that hospital. But I guess that will never be the case as long as Eric has Kelso as a friend. Kitty held a barbecue for the kids (as if they don't get enough of their meals over here already), and since we've had the rainiest spring in ten years, the backyard was like the Amazon jungle with the mosquitoes. Kitty's answer to that problem was a citronella candle display.
Well, it turns out I agree with Kelso about just one thing: scented candles are not an acceptable method of bug control. It would be just as effective to have the foreign kid dance around waving his arms. (Although with all that cologne the kid wears, it would probably just attract more bugs.) When you´re at war, you don´t light pretty candles. You blow up your enemy with everything you got. Which is why I was completely on board with Kelso getting out the jumbo-sized can of OFF bug repellent from the garage.
I didn't know he was planning to bolster the power of the citronella by spraying the OFF directly into the lit candle. But I should have known he wouldn't read the warning label that says, quite clearly,
"Keep away from open flame."
Anyway, when he sprayed into the lit candle, the flame blew right up at him. It wouldn't have been so bad except that he'd sprayed himself down with so much OFF that his shirt sleeve went up like a Roman candle. Luckily the foreign kid happened to be getting a drink out of the hose when it happened. I'll tell ya, I may not be able to understand ninety percent of what that kid says, but his reflexes were lightning fast. Fez had the hose on Kelso before he even had time to stop and drop, let alone roll.
I figured Kelso was okay, but we took him to the hospital just in case. He singed off all the hair on his arm but was otherwise fine. Well, his arm is okay. He says he wants to do this stunt again on the Fourth of July, so the state of his mind is debatable.
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